How much time do we spend waiting? Waiting on answers, waiting for the right time to have children waiting on the stock market to turn. We all have something we are waiting on, I spent most of my adolescence searching for answers to life and waiting for the answers.
The story I’m going to tell is my story of waiting. I was a lost 14 year old with many adult issues yet I was far from an adult. Trying to fit in somewhere and with anyone I began to gather a laundry list of minor crimes from vandalism and having “fun” to the final act of destruction. I was arrested and placed on probation in the summer of ’95 at the age of 15. After bouncing around from family member to family member for over a year I landed into the right place at the right time, “chance” or so I thought. I began to attend a church and was not feeling it, however my options were limited. So I remained open for the adventure, little did I know it was the one single act that I can put a finger on and say “This is where you showed up”. I began to attend every Sunday and youthgroup on Wednesday and man was it a foreign feeling, all the singing and hands raised in the air. what was going on, was all I remember thinking. As time went by I began to feel my heart hurt, like trying to breath but not being able to take a full breath, He began to show up. I fought the feelings for a long time and even ran away from them cursing and yelling at the feelings to “leave me alone”. My family continued to show me love, still not sure if it was real or fake I resisted all their attempts to help me. Continuing into the war with my heart and what God was trying to show me I began to hide in alcohol and drugs, hide from the feeling that I haven’t felt and were not a normal manageable pain for me. just as I thought I had out ran the feelings I run into someone from my past, a girl. We knew one another but had never talked before this night. Being the cool guy I was I made her sit in the back seat so my friend can sit shotgun. I to this day will never forget her eyes in the mirror, in between the shakes of the bass from my stereo, I see her looking at me. like she had something to say, she locked eyes with me every time I looked. That was where you showed up, in the eyes of a lost girl. I looked into her eyes and saw my reflection staring back at me. That was our first date, that was the day my friends started to become number 2 to the girl from the back seat. Shortly after our relationship started she received the news she was being asked to leave her home due to differences of opinion “rebellion”, and she would have to move out of state. I was crushed! I remember the emotions rushing in like a flood and not one was controllable. We stayed up all night talking about what we could do but I have never felt the confusion as I did that night. later that night my aunt heard about what was going on with her and came to us and said the words I will never forget “Scott, we would like to take her in”. I had no clue how to respond. This was a love that I didn’t know existed. God had a plan, I ran and hid from him, I cursed his name, I hated him for the hell he let me go through my entire life and just as I thought I had him beat he showed up in the form of a girl and 2 family members that had the capacity in their hearts for me. The love that I was showed that night has driven me to reach for the unseen. I now call it Faith, and the girl is now my wife, my heart has the love of Jesus running through it and 15 years later I am no longer waiting for him to show up. He was always with me.