A living Marriage


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Marriage was designed by God to create a shame free place for an imperfect man and an imperfect woman to rest in perfect harmony under the blood of Christ. 

My life was not given to my wife nor was her life given to me, we were joined to become one flesh. We are designed for one another to complement each other and merge as one to show Gods Love for the church as a real life example through our marriage.  My job in marriage is to hold my wife up as a gift from God, and cherish as Christ does the church.  It is our human nature is to look at marriage as “take it or leave it”, so it is our duty to fight the darkness of the world and stay as one flesh. Even our own eyes as a man will deceive us just as the heart of a woman will lead the best wives away from the marriage if not rooted in a foundation built on Gods promise.

 

My eyes and my lust will be my downfall without knowing and believing in the life God has promised me. There is no question that I was designed to join with my wife, it is far beyond simple words or feelings of love. My words can deceive, my feelings will change but what is “right and true” does not. We fit together in a way only described as divine and that is not refutable or of this world.

 

We were not saved at the time of our marriage and were far from good people. We hurt one another, friends and family with no care in the world about anyone but ourselves. However God had plans for us, plans to take us from the sin filled life and to make a real life example of his view of marriage, to show the world his glory! Without that we are simply another couple struggling to stay as two separate individuals in a marriage created to be one flesh founded on the word and covered by the  blood of Christ. 

My struggles are her struggles and my downfalls are her downfalls. I am designed to sacrifice my mind and body for the fight to keep our marriage pure. Although our fights will not be the same, “man and woman” the goal is. My goal is to remain husband to my wife until death takes one of us, and only faith and guidance in the words of Jesus will help us to achieve our goal. 

For so long I had the mindset that it was my job to keep my wife happy, only to fail a large amount of the time, quickly leading me to think there was something wrong with me as a man and husband.

My thinking is beginning to change, my focus becoming more about the word and my efforts on leading my home as a man following Jesus. By this I’m not saying taking charge and forcing my family to listen to what I say or being a tyrant over them. More like striving to become an example of Jesus, learning to be the man he has designed me to be.

Followers of Jesus didn’t follow him because it was the easy thing to do, it was because they heard the word and believed in the promises of Jesus. Same is true for today, we all strive and hold on to the words allowing it to separate us from the world. Not because it’s the easy way to live, but because we believe the words written about this man Jesus and the promises only he can provide.

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Living In The Void


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Being selfish comes naturally to most of us. The area of selfishness is not what the focus should be on, the focus should be on the why. Why are we selfish? It can be an area in our lives that have been neglected or maybe an over compensation striving to be better. Whatever the reason may be that is where the growth should begin.

A couple years ago my wife and I began to step out of our comfort zones a bit and she took a job working for a ministry that would require time away from home two times a year April and October. Let me tell you a little backstory to help understand the feelings behind the story.

Our childhoods were very similar in that we came from broken homes. Drugs, alcohol, many different types of abuse changed our outlook on life and abandoned by many that should have loved us.

Our crazy lives crashed into one another summer of 1998 and it did not slow down for a few years after that but when it did is where our journey began to take a detour in the right direction. We were married in 2000 and shortly after began to have a family. Now with two daughters not much has separated us through the years. Other than our wedding night we went the better part of eleven years together every day. I was her comfort zone and she was mine. So when the question came up about the position I was almost sick with fear. Thinking of her being gone eleven days, two times a year made my heart sink into a familiar yet uncomfortable place in my stomach. A place that I haven’t felt in some time, a place of abandonment “what would I do if she doesn’t return”?

The feeling all began to rush in and she didn’t even have the position yet. After talking and wrestling with thought of her taking the position or not we decided to accept and took the step out into this unfamiliar life and she was hired.

Fast forward a few years, she has been away several times now and every time I fight the selfish feelings, thinking “again, you have to go again”? But what a blessing, the people, the environment and the meaning behind what she does, it’s perfect. Now I don’t mean the “yea we could handle this” kind of perfect, I mean it is what God was preparing her life for kind of perfect.

So much of my focus has been on the void, the missing, the what if’s. Life was not meant to be lived out of fear and discontent, we are meant to be free.

I have been living out of void in my life for so long it feels scary to step out of it sometimes. So much of my life has been focusing on the emptiness or what I might be lacking. So I begin to fight the feelings of abandonment that burn so deep I can taste them and the pain of loved ones that have never been there for me. Only to show myself that I can overcome and I understand. I understand the torment of the void and that is not where my God wants me to be. He has created me to be unique, he has given me the gift.

The longer I live in the void the deeper it becomes and the worse the scars become.  My void is beginning to close, like a wound healing slow and sometimes painful fully understanding life may never be the same after living out of the void.