The world is not only broken, it is also very aggressive, looking to consume anyone not willing to put up a fight. But what are we fighting for, gun rights, freedom, love, oil, faith, land… Does anyone really know what we are even fighting for anymore?
I fight myself; I fight the anxious feelings of being alone that stems from my childhood. Carrying these feelings into my life as an adult, father and husband constantly doing a checks and balance to find and maintain the peace in life.
When the battle is so personal and deep inside that at times it consumes your thoughts and emotions it is hard to even care about the price of gas, who I should vote for or even the big topics we face today.
I simply want a happy home, happy children and love and respect between us all. Knowing we are on our way to becoming just that! I know there will be bad times; I know the days of stormy weather will come. As important as it is to me to have faith at time it seems irrelevant, taking the back seat to the changes our children are facing and the changes we are facing. Maintaining a balance between having faith that everything is ok when my feelings are that everything is falling apart is exhausting and learning that life is not “black and white or 0 or 100” has became a great tool to accomplish day to day functions.
Yet I have seen what faith can do, both in a positive way and in a negative way. I have felt the spirit lead me out of some of the biggest messes “most self created” and I have also seen loved ones give into temptations and get lost along the way.
We all talk about being followers of Jesus in our own ways, as of today I feel like standing here, right where I am and looking at what I have done good and bad, to help and to hinder, to love and to hate. What are we doing brothers and sisters? Ask the questions, seek the answers and don’t stop until you find peace in whatever you are looking for.
I had a dream last night that shook me to my core, I saw my life from the outside, I saw my life as being totally different, different family, different loved ones, and everything was changed. My children didn’t know me, my wife had never met me and I was alone. Something had changed in my path to meeting up with my wife. One of the many seemingly little things at the time like where I chose to eat ice-cream that night or if I went north or south on Westnedge could have changed everything! I see how fragile every action we make is, I see that something as small as that can impact your life in such a huge way. I hope to never see that again. I saw it, I felt it and I remember everything from my dream like it was a part of a life I had lived before we met. In many ways it is and still do not feel good as of right now, a bit in a fog about it all.
I thank God right now for who I am, who I am becoming and who I will become.
Yes, life could be different, yes life could be better, life could also be worse and life can be amazing right where I am today!
The choice is simple, love unconditional, live intentional and be honest with yourself and everyone around you about your expectations and what your needs are. Our dreams play out our reality eventually….. and this is one I never want to see again!