As I sat down before my morning meeting, feeling unrested from another night of less than quality sleep, I open my phone and see this image appear on my Facebook feed.
Thanks for the reminder, I thought! This is becoming quite a frequent thought these days “Connection Lost”…
Thinking “So I see”, thinking of what a connection is or what a connection should be.
Definition of connection: Something that joins or connects two or more things, the act of connecting two or more things or the state of being connected. I have been disconnected for so long in so many areas of my life I’m not sure what a real connections is!
I have become great at disconnection, separating myself from anything that is negative or has a negative impact in my life and yet I find myself desiring a connection.
Stepping back and looking at my life from the outside, “I am a common issue in the issues I see in my life”, well, that is not what I wanted to see…
Understanding a connection takes two or more in order to work, so where to begin?
I have always been a bit of a “do it myself” kind of guy, take charge and get it done on my time! A kind of “get out of my way and let me do it” well connection does not work that way.
A connection takes grace with both connectors, works to maintain a connection, desire to connect and is constant change. I fail at most, so the desire burns white hot to have a real connection and so the battle begins. Fear of connection vs the desire to have one.
With all my heart I pray that one day I can learn to connect, be real, stay true and connect with others in my life. I am fed up with holding everyone at arm’s length and trying to connect at a safe distance.
I have separated myself from friends, family and my wife because of fear of “what might become”. God created us to desire connection, the world breaks down the ability to connect and I continue to chose the world and tell God “I can handle this, I’ll let you know when I need you” and that time rarely comes.
Today, again, I am telling God I need you in this! I am tired of holding all the pieces of broken family, destroyed friendships, struggling households and loss of connections from the past…