In this world we often have to learn to drift, sometimes our drift from family and friends is needed to distance ourselves so we can grow as individuals. We are limited both in time and space and the who, how and when we chose to drift from is an important decision.
Sometimes that makes the relationships we do value all the more precious, but too often people drift apart and my family and friends are no exception….
When you hear the word boundaries what comes to mind? To limit, to separate, to monitor, to restrict, all have a bit of a negative connotation to them. The trouble is that no one wants to separate themselves from the ones that are supposed to love us….. a mother, a father, sisters, brothers. We have this preconceived idea that simply because they are family that we have to love them with no boundaries. That is the mistake; every human interaction from a father/son to husband/wife needs to have established boundaries.
At the age of 34, married for 15 years, two daughters and a busy life, I am beginning to learn about this task of setting boundaries. I have established a few guidelines over the years to help the “when and how” of implementing boundaries.
Most importantly when setting boundaries think to yourself is this relationship healthy or unhealthy, are you a positive influence to me and my family, how do you fit into my life? Are you life giving or do you suck the life out of me and my family?
In life there may come a time when the drift will become the separation, when the risk of damage is far too great to work with, a wall may need to be created. I have had to make changes to insure the safety of my family and some of those changes are to this day the hardest, yet most necessary steps I have taken in my life. Knowing how to set boundaries with love and allow time to mend and morph one another, is one of the most frustrating actions.
We all have expectations of ourselves and one another, we all are learning to give grace and time for the opportunity to change what need is not met in the relationship. Open communication and honesty are the key to success if there is a desire to continually build a relationship.
The drift is important to understand and the creation of healthy boundaries is essential for ANY relationship. From friend to family, co-worker to someone you just met, learning we are all in our own lives with our own goals and visions and to meet one another in that sweet spot of compromise is when a relationship blossoms into life.