Today’s date is 12/13/14 and although I do not believe in superstition it is pretty awesome to think that this day will never be seen again in my lifetime. My plan is to set this to post at 9:10:11 on 12/13/14, call me corny…
Even though today has a special chronological order that same “special marker” can go for everyday. I like to create markers in my mind on special days like this. I specifically remember posting on 12/12/12 at 12:12 only because it created a marker in my memory about that fun date and time.
Today I post from a sensitive place in my heart, a longing to make every day a little better than the one before. I have a high number of close friends and family that’s health is failing quickly to cancer and thinking to myself about how fragile life truly is makes my heart skip a beat. I am saddened by the rapidly declining health of many people and how young and full of life they are. I am only 34 and more and more I begin to think about my future, our future and that the plans and dreams that I have are not guaranteed.
You can plan your entire life, save money, buy that lake house and retreat to the lake with your family and nest egg, only to learn that a tiny cell that you have had your entire life decided to mutate and hinder the chance of seeing the lake. Anger begins to set in for my family that may not get to see the dreams they have created. My desire is to live like tomorrow will never come and struggling to find a balance in that as the fear of the “What if” creep in and attempt to steal my joy.
What if I get cancer?
What if something happens to my wife or children?
I do not want to destroy the joy of today by worrying about tomorrow and I also don’t want to rely on plans for the future and think to myself “ahh, it will happen later in life”. Later may never come, tomorrow may never bring joy so I am choosing every morning to live to the fullest and not to get caught in the rut of negative thinking and allow the what ifs to steal my joy.
Thinking about death and leaving this earth to be made complete, to be made new and to be free of the torment of the world sounds great some days and yet I fear death. I do not want leave without fulfilling “my” dreams and I know that sounds selfish and may not always be pleasing to God. I’m not saying I want to run off and sin as much as I can; my goal is to enjoy the life I have been given to its full potential.
For me creating a mark in my memory about a great time in life is like storing up power for the storms that will come later. In those dark days I can look back and take a little hope from the great times in life and find joy in the storms. Lately I feel like I’m running on empty and maybe that is God’s plan for me, to empty my own reserve and begin to use the reserve He has for me.
I CHOOSE with Open Mind and Open Heart.
I renounce all assumptions and expectations.
I thoughtfully consider all possibilities.
I CHOOSE with courage, awareness, consciousness, and compassion toward all. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie