This last year…. What can I say about 2014 other then I’m glad to see it go and trying to rest in the hope that things will never be the same.
The magic words for a great relationship are, “I love you just the way you are.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My goal is to become a passionate friend to my wife and children and to love honestly from a depth that words cannot describe. I fail daily and I yet I am consistently given a chance to try again. My heart is torn at the depth of pain and circumstances faced when it comes to my family and friends. At times its unbearable to manage all that has happened to me and my family over the last year.
To sum up 2014, it has ravaged our hearts as well as our families, divorce, separation, abandonment, betrayal and death. The degradation of relationships seemly one after another with the recent loss of my uncle and a close family friend to cancer.
I am sitting in a metaphorical room with one chair and a small window to peer out, I see hope in the New Year in the form of a wounded life with plans to rebuild. When we can embrace our brokenness and learn that life can be made new from it there can be beauty in ugly and positivity in negative. Nothing is “too far gone” it is not black and white, there are shades of grey. Like a new sprout poking through the ground after a hard winter, life continues, love restores and what once wasn’t can be what is, and a new happiness can blossom. Like the strength of a tree it is not found in the bark, it is in the roots that are planted in the rich soil and in the soil comes the life of the tree.
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are
something to do,
something to love,
and something to hope for.
– Joseph Addison
When one of them is missing or out of alignment a desire to fill the empty space begins and I struggle to fill it correctly. My love is not with restraint and a guarded heart and my faith at times is less important then it should be and my hope is not focused on something that cannot fail me.
I place my hope in my family, my wife and my children and I let the relationships define who I am as a man, father and husband.
When I was a young boy I vow to never hurt anyone like I have been hurt and over time I feel I’m losing myself in that. I used my relationships with others to define who I am and if I am successful at “my part” of the relationship and I have seen failure after failure. The time has come to create a new sprout of life, to define myself from what I can do for others with nothing in return. To be a safe place for our daughters to rely on in times of need and to learn to be a friend to the one I have been blessed to call my bride.
I once read, “love is not msessured by what you do in the easy times, it is msessured by what you do in the hard times”.
2015 will be the year I face my fears and push past who I see myself as and allow myself to become who I am designed to be.