What does it mean to be present?
Some of the synonyms are: here, in attendance, at hand, near and current, it is something I struggle with daily. I love to dream; I am always drifting off in my mind about random thoughts and actually try not to be present at times. I do exactly what I complain about others doing and this act is stealing the gifts I have to offer my family as support, guidance and to be a leader to our home. It forces the remaining members to pick up where I leave off. I have become very good at partially listing just in case I need to respond to the conversation and most times get my response very wrong creating confusion as to what we were even talking about. I began the habit recently to actually say “I’m sorry I wasn’t listening, can you repeat that” and that is met with some frustration most of the time, with great reason.
I have always thought to myself “man I’m great at multitasking” seeing the truth and realizing that it is not the case at all has been humbling. What I am actually great at is deceiving and manipulating a conversation to cover the fact that I have no idea what I am responding to. Seeing that I am not as good at conversation as I thought is not a new concept, the desire to change the way I chose to respond in the failure of that conversation is and is proving to be a challenge. I have much more pride then I thought when it comes to my words especially when it comes to topics I am passionate about.
To be a beneficial presence in the world, cultivate a conscious awareness of your unity with Spirit. Expect good in your own life, desire good for all others as well. See and affirm abundant blessings of peace, health, and plenty for everyone. Align your thoughts with peace and happiness, and realize that these qualities are your true nature. – Kathy Juline
We have all heard the statement in many rehabilitation programs “admittance is the first step”; this is true to most of life’s obstacles and challenges, and knowing “what” the issue is and admitting that there is as issue is the first step. Having a plan to change that issue and to allow the peace in the situation to comfort the changes you are making should be close behind.
I am still fighting my pride and holding back on the peace that should come from knowing that I could be a positive force in my family’s development and not another issue to overcome. The lies I tell myself and the walls I create to hold people at arm’s length are holding me back from the future I desire. So as I choose to again change the course I travel, I will also learn to open my arms and welcome the love and peace others have to offer.