I Am, I Become


The last two weeks have brought me to my knees with pain and to tears with the scare I could have left my wife and children alone in this world.

The setback in my life has been eye opening and has brought me to a place that I have kept dark for too many years. Tha fact of, I am not invincible.

I have always been hard headed, no denying that. Now I see why, my hate for people trying to tell me how to live, what to do or what not to do only fuels me to destroy the limitations in my life. I do hear the advice, I am thankful for support if it is done in love.

“Scott you will never amount to anything, you will never become anything more than what you are, worthless”.. This is not self talk, no that was much worse. This was what others told me as a child and I battle the same old war from my youth as an adult.

Why? Why do I listen to them still to this day, playing over and over in my head like a skipping CD.

My love to remain in pain (because it is comfortable) fuels my drive to break cycles and limitations that are put on my life and that I put on myself. Life is painful enough without inflicting more on ourselves.

Today I set an unreasonable goal to walk a mile, so in pain I begin to feed into my desire to break my limitations.

I will walk a mile!
I can walk a mile!
I did, I walked 1.5 miles…

I am sad to be here, a mile, I wouldn’t flinch at a 2 mile run before hitting the weights and now a mile is all my body has to offer.

I am thankful that I am recovering and that I remain a father and husband to a beautiful wife and family. It’s the self talk that sets me back in my chair with tears in my eyes. All I have done to be healthy, eating clean, working out, positive thoughts and praying has gotten me to a new level of refinement.

I continue to seek deep inside and to filter who I am from whom the world tells me I am.

I am a leader, I am powerful and I have been humbled by what God has done in my life over the last month. Even with this setback I am excited to see where my life will go in 2015.

I am, and I become are the words I am telling myself in 2015..

The image is a picture my youngest daughter colored for me, it has an entirely different meaning after all we have been through. I love you Haylee, Alexis and Sandy.


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