A Time to Move


image

As far back as I can remember I have had anxiety about “the new”.
New friends, new places, new experiences pretty much anything that takes me from my scheduled, routine and predictable life.

I am in the process of breaking the routine lifestyle and the predictable Scott Jenkins. Yes I have fear of starting something new and every time I have has been a great change in my life. So my pattern that I have been trying to maintain and tell myself “yea, it’s working in my life” is most definitely not working at all.

From the age of 17 to the age of 34 I have slowly over time drifted from a fun party guy into a routine driven robot. I do not like the programming of my life, so its time to once again to reprogram my mind. 

My focus is to seek my faith before anything. I have never been one to listen much to the quiet voice. Oh I’m great at hearing the cry of the world, far too good. My heart’s desire is to hear the call on my life and humble myself enough to be led by my faith.

Advertisements

A Deeper Fire


image

What is it that fuels your passion?

How is it that you are fed to continue with this seemingly impossible life?

Is it being with friends?

Being alone with a book?

Is it spending one on one time with a loved one or a close friend.

Most feel all of these at one time or another, for myself I have discovered a deep desire to have more male friends and to learn to connect with men.

All my life I have had a stigma surrounding any men in my life. It comes down to trust and a desire to be open with men. My motto was “can’t hurt me if I don’t put myself out there” the entire time dying inside for a fatherly connection.

My father and mother had me at a young age; An age where they were not ready to have children and settle down. I was a product of a crazy lifestyle and careless circumstances. I thank them for having me and caring for me as good as they could and still I feel like I have always been missing something, it is trust.

Trust is described as a firm belief in the reliability, ability, or strength of someone or something.

I lack trust, and trust is the basis of all connection with others. In the past I fought to feel safety from others by not connecting with them, this made for a lonely, shallow and secluded life.
I never felt safe, I never felt needed or wanted, even if I was wanted their actions stated otherwise. My fire comes from what I desired so badly and lacked in my childhood. The desire to be of some use, to be helpful and needed. I desire to be an influence and positive force in the lives of my friends and family.

My goal in life is to never become what hurts me the most; Abandoned

The relationship I have with my mother and father are not what I would like them to be. The time that separates us only feeds the wounds of abandonment in my heart. As much as I burn inside to feel what it is like to be the child that had the loving supportive family I use that wound to dig deep and strive to meet our daughters needs. I stand today with my head high and my heart full of pride as a father that overcame the circumstances of my childhood.

2015 marks 15 years of marriage to the mother of our children and love of my life and through the struggles of our lives I have learned to love my parents and understand the hardships they faced were not met with the intention of overcoming. I will not fall without getting back up and I will not seek another idol to replace what is missing in my soul.

 

Before You Give Up


image

Be the change you want in your life and eventually over time you will wake up one day and say “I am that person that I wanted so desperately to become”.

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.
– Zig Ziglar

I have had many terrible experiences in my life that have changed who I am today. I have done many awful things to others that have changed who they are as well.

Living in regret will only hold you back from experiencing the joy that can come from repairing what has been destroyed. There are no failures in life only opportunity’s to learn and try harder next time.

Keep pushing, keep fighting and keep smiling or before you know it all you will have are memories of times you let slip by and regrets of things you should have done. I have opportunity’s ALL THE TIME to try again and to take a look at what works and what does not. The choice is up to you when you throw in the towel.

The Anxious Mind


image

1 Peter 5: 6-7

The desire to understand what it means to live here and now is the desire to constantly change my thoughts.

The thoughts to not neglect those around me and get hyper focused on tomorrow, next week or next month but to enjoy today for what today has to offer.

My pride continually rises up to tell me otherwise.

My mind quietly whispers the lie “you have everything under control”.

My body screams for things of this world.

My heart is quickly out witted by the confusion my mind stirs up about who I am.

My soul desires a foundation based I the promises found in my faith in God.

My life needs a constant renewing to calm the anxiety that rises up.

“Self-disciplined begins with the mastery of your thoughts.
If you don’t control what you think, you can’t control what you do.
Simply, self-discipline enables you to think first and act afterward”.
– Napoleon Hill

Our body follows our mind, search for the prominence of a sound mind by centering as much as needed. I in most cases need to take a step back and focus on my breathing to feel where I am right now. I tend to drift into the future and spin out of control (in sorts) in my mind. I allow my future to create anxiety about what could be coming up in my life. I saw a post a while ago and it said “I got 99 problems and 90 of them are completely fabricated scenarios in my mind creates”.

“What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world”.
– The Buddha

I heard a great sermon in yesterday’s service about giving up our anxiety and learning to be humble enough to accept help. The next step in my life is fighting to overcome my pride and to humble my heart and harmonize the desires of my soul.

LOVE


image

“Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. To love somebody isn’t just a strong feeling. It’s a decision, a judgement and a promise”. – Love quotes

Loving someone is at times the easiest thing to accomplish, and I feel that is not the true test of love in the relationship. The true test comes after the argument late that night last week, after the miscommunication the other day, after that one thing you promised you would never do again and failed to hold up to your promise.

My wife and I have seen many late nights, long days of no talking and conversations that hurt more than anything I have ever experienced in my life and we are celebrating 15 years of marriage this year.

That in my opinion is the definition of love, Love to me is to remain committed to improving failures and striving to maintain a relationship after you want to choke one another.

After everything we have been through and everything we will face in the future I feel that there is no one I would rather face life with than my wife.

Give in to the opportunities of life and to marriage. Strive and allow the sacrifices that have been made continue and bring you together. Represent to the world what love should look like.

I lived With Fear


image

Fear is a topic I understand far too well. I have lived most of my childhood and adult life driven by the fear of “what if”. Creating a calculated path forward by trying to protect my heart from pain has proven to only destroy all hope to feel happiness, peace, joy and love. I have sacrificed relationships, friendships and almost my marriage by allowing fear to guide my life.

“Let us not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless when facing them”. – Rabindranath Tagore

I have been fighting for years the battle between my heart and logical thinking and letting my fear be the basis of motivation in my life and I have felt the reprieve of fear being the motivating factor with my actions just in the last few months.

I had an opportunity to face my fears and take a stand for my life a few months ago and I am here today to tell you that there is no better feeling than to live with far less fear. Yes I do from time to time fall to the “drifting mind” and allow fear to enter and even act on it once in a while and it is quickly extinguished by the truth I have learned about who I am and what I stand for.

“There can be no happiness when one lives in fear.
Whatever the future holds, fear will not improve tomorrow,
and it will destroy your happiness today”. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I lived with fear of abandonment that one day my wife will figure out that I am a mess and leave me.

I lived with fear of never being a good father.

I lived with fear of failure at life, my employment, my impact on others and what gifts I have.

I lived with fear of rejection from friends; am I too much to handle?

And many more that I’m sure you can relate with.

The reason for this is to tell you that you no longer have to live with fear, you no longer have to be a slave to your own mind and there is a way out! I had the opportunity to attend a conference that latterly changed my life.

No I’m not selling you the next best thing, no I’m not paid to tell you this I’m simply excited to know that what I went through can be shared with others that are controlled by the fear of life like I was.

I’m not going to give you a sales pitch or lengthy letter about how I have been healed, however I am going to offer to meet with anyone interested in seeing and hearing how I have kicked fear out of my life and gained the feelings of joy, peace and love like I have never experienced.

The Conference is called Awaken and it will be held in Grand Rapids, Michigan on September 24th – 27th and would love to see how it can change your life like it did mine. Below is a link to some information on GAP Community and their Awaken training.

Take a stand for your life and the lives you could impact if only the fear of living were missing in your life. You have the power inside yourself to change, and maybe like myself you need a kick in the butt to get out of the patterns we create to keep ourselves safe.

http://gapcommunity.com/awaken/

Tomorrow’s Happiness


image

Tomorrow’s happiness is created today and renewed tomorrow. 

“Forgive those who have injured you
not because they deserve your forgiveness, but because you can never be happy until you release your anger and grant forgiveness.
Forgiving is not a gift to someone else. Forgiving is your gift to yourself, a great gift, the gift of happiness”. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

“There is a great future in front of you, you can leave your past behind”. – Joel Osteen

Today I choose to be happy and open to the opportunities available for me and the chance that I just might experience something new.

Although I am at the same place of employment, doing the same function with the same employees, running the same lines and producing the same quantities of the same products I choose to see today as a brand new day.

Letting go of the past is not always easy and I have yet to see great results today from holding onto something from the past.

Today is a brand new day to create a brand new understanding of tomorrow.

Simply Write


image

My focus is on my life, the good, the bad, the failures and the sucess. I write what my heart leads me to write, some may like it others might not. Either way it’s my creative mind and heart that is being spilled into my writing. My passion to live and strive to be better one word at a time.

Comfort Zone


image

This is the struggle we all have.

The balance between what is right for our lives that is of God and what seems to be right in our lives despite God. Far too many know the word, can articulate well and have a way of leading that is contagious yet fail to connect others with what God has planned. When the plans we have and the plans God intends for our lives meet, that is where life begins.

No growth happens in or comfort zone.