The flow of love should not be restricted, it should be directed.
When there is a reciprocation of love in my life I try to focus the effort and direction of my love to serve, protect and bless the other, and I fail at times. That is when it is important to take responsibility for how I have unsuccessful y directed the flow of my love.
Recently I have slipped into an old habit that has been absent for some time now and with the act of falling to the habit came all the old familiar triggers and pain. The unwanted exchange of my recent failure kindled the aftershock in the form of the other individual stepping back from me.
My biggest fear in my life is being alone and being abandoned by a loved one and the “stepping back” begun the response (perceived to me) as abandonment and reinforces my desire to show love to the other.
I have successfully restrained my fear of abandonment by understanding where I get my energy to live. If I rely on another to fuel my desire to maintain peace in my life they will fail me every time. We are not designed to hold that kind of power; sure as community we have the power to influence one another as well as build up or tear down one another; however the ultimate source of peace, joy and happiness must come from an un-fluctuating, un-wavering and un-deterring source. It must be a constant strength and unable to fail.
I personally find that source in my faith that Jesus created me just as he imagined. I am not broken; he did not make a mistake or fall short in creating me. I am exactly who I am designed to be and with that is the freedom and power to re-focus my failure as a simple human mistake and lesson to be learned not a flaw in my design. My love is not perfect and never will be and my desires are that of a sinner. To expect perfection from myself or another is an unreasonable expectation and will foster failure.
I fail, you fail, we all fail and will continue to fail and hurt one another in the process. Through openness and honesty we can re-build what our failures destroy and through knowing where our source of peace and joy comes provides the power needed to push through the trials in life.
“A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect; be open to receiving the bounty of the Universe”. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My love is that of a sinner with worldly desires and selfish motives. My affection is based on wounds of the past and operated by fear. I will fail you; I will let you down and even hurt you. And I will strive to always give it one more chance. I promise to seek first my faith as the source of my joy and peace.