I Woke up today not knowing what I was in-store for as my day unfolded. I had planned to spend my day having fun outside. My reality is I’m sitting in my apartment alone and being consumed with emotions. So what does a writer do when he is flooded with emotion? To my blog I go.. This is after all Real Life
Today I celebrate my 35th year on this earth and this year is going to be a completely different experience. Sure I could wait until January 1st to say this year will be different but MY year starts today.
My heart is torn between what I have in my life now and what I have lost, I think that’s called grieving. Filled with ambivalence of the past and future and what it holds for my life I have to sit back and remember who is really in control, fortunately it’s not me.
I am at peace knowing I control nothing other than how I connect and interact with others and who I am in their life.
Feeling I am not going to be much to anyone today and seeing that I need to withdraw and feel these emotions, I reach out in my words in hope that someone else that reads this will also know that this is a process of grieving and it is of strength not weakness.
The process of loss and grieving takes strength and vulnerability, feel it.
Someone once told me “never stuff the feelings of loss, it will rot your insides”.
Today, on my 35th birthday I will allow the emotions to flow and I will not stuff them. I hurt for the life I lost, I feel broken for the pain in my daughters and I’m saddened by the other lives that hurt because of the loss I experience. The pain of life is only made better by experiencing the emotions that come with that pain. Today I celebrate my pain, and I embrace the strength I will gain from the struggles I face. Today I embrace the name I have given my blog, Real Life. We are all living our own lives, never forget how your life impacts others. Even if you think of your life as small and insignificant I promise there are others somewhere looking up to you. It’s ok to cry, it ok to hurt and it’s ok to take time for yourself, it’s also ok to let go.
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself”. Deborah Reber
I am in control of who I am to others and what impact (positive or negative) I have in their lives. When the day comes to stand up to fear and see that your impact is no longer needed, spend the time necessary going through those emotions, the strength you gain will show who you really are.