This is Real Life


I Woke up today not knowing what I was in-store for as my day unfolded. I had planned to spend my day having fun outside. My reality is I’m sitting in my apartment alone and being consumed with emotions. So what does a writer do when he is flooded with emotion? To my blog I go.. This is after all Real Life

Today I celebrate my 35th year on this earth and this year is going to be a completely different experience. Sure I could wait until January 1st to say this year will be different but MY year starts today.

My heart is torn between what I have in my life now and what I have lost, I think that’s called grieving. Filled with ambivalence of the past and future and what it holds for my life I have to sit back and remember who is really in control, fortunately it’s not me.

I am at peace knowing I control nothing other than how I connect and interact with others and who I am in their life.

Feeling I am not going to be much to anyone today and seeing that I need to withdraw and feel these emotions, I reach out in my words in hope that someone else that reads this will also know that this is a process of grieving and it is of strength not weakness.

The process of loss and grieving takes strength and vulnerability, feel it.

Someone once told me “never stuff the feelings of loss, it will rot your insides”.

Today, on my 35th birthday I will allow the emotions to flow and I will not stuff them. I hurt for the life I lost, I feel broken for the pain in my daughters and I’m saddened by the other lives that hurt because of the loss I experience. The pain of life is only made better by experiencing the emotions that come with that pain. Today I celebrate my pain, and I embrace the strength I will gain from the struggles I face. Today I embrace the name I have given my blog, Real Life. We are all living our own lives, never forget how your life impacts others. Even if you think of your life as small and insignificant I promise there are others somewhere looking up to you. It’s ok to cry, it ok to hurt and it’s ok to take time for yourself, it’s also ok to let go.

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself”. Deborah Reber

I am in control of who I am to others and what impact (positive or negative) I have in their lives. When the day comes to stand up to fear and see that your impact is no longer needed, spend the time necessary going through those emotions, the strength you gain will show who you really are.


Our Connections


I was sitting here and looking for a movie to watch that I haven’t seen. Yea lots of scrolling involved with that, I like movies. After about 5 minutes I came across one called Seeking a friend for the end of the world and I saw that has Steve Carell in it so I thought it would be a good one to start.

About 10 minutes into it I had a thought to myself, what if we all really believed that one day we will die?

I mean I know we all talk about it a little bit here and there, but have you ever really sat and thought about it?

I’m not trying to make everyone depressed, just trying to make a point.

Today might be my last day of my life and tomorrow is not guaranteed. These plans I have for a lake house one day, what if I never reach that? Does that mean my life was a failure, or that I didn’t amount to anything.

What am I here to do?

The recent life changing event I have been through has shaken what I thought I was here to do and really made me think about life a bit deeper.

What I am here for?

With the fast pace lifestyle and the limitless technology nothing seems to be out of reach and nothing is worth waiting for.

What am I giving up at work to gain?

What am I sacrificing in life to obtain?

I feel in my heart I have a purpose and a gift to connect with others that are considered “too far gone”. I was once a teen that was considered too far gone and I was given a second chance to change the path I was taking.

I want to be the voice that fills the heart of that teenager that is thinking they are not worth anything. I want to be the positive influence in the young man that feels he had nothing to offer society. I feel I have a gift to connect with others that words cannot express.

What if I was to use that gift?

One People


The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don’t understand yourself.
– Anonymous

Learning who you are as opposed to who you think you should be comes with time. Grow through life don’t simply go through life.

Learning what you stand for, what you like and dislike and taking and giving as you encounter others on the same journey. We are all on our own paths to self discovery and showing graciousness to others as they learn their own ways will help society live in peace. Share your story, connect with others and you will see just how alike we all are.

African American, Caucasian, Asian or Hispanic none of it really matters. We are all one people. Love like we are all one people, United States of America was founded on that important fact, bringing differences together.

Dream Big


“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela

Why not live the life you dream of?

Why not set goals and strive to reach them?

If you hold back out of fear of failure you will never truly live. Take my word for it; I lived most of my life driven by fear, the fear of never being a good father, the fear of failing at my marriage and the fear of never amounting to anything.

This year one of my biggest fear came true, the failure of my marriage and guess what, I didn’t die. I can live after divorce and I am still a great man regardless of the results of my marriage, my marriage does not define who I am as a man or if I am a failure in life. What is does tell me is where I messed up and to learn how to change what fell apart.

Life has a strange way of bringing to light those fears we tuck deep down in the back rooms of our mind, those little hidden rooms that we think are hidden. We all have them, we all think they are hidden away to keep us safe and to never show others we have fears.

What if I told you that those little hidden rooms full of fear could be driving parts of your life, what those little secret worries that you keep so safe end up destroying what you care about most.

Life is a series of attempts, triumphs, failures and endeavors. If you allow what seems to be a failure stop you from dreaming then that is exactly what it was, a failure. However if you learn from the failure and use it to align your life, what was a failure can be looked at as a triumph.

No one can chose when you give up and it is up to you when you stop chasing the dreams you see. I chose to live, I chose to heal and I chose to love through the pain of what was, knowing that things will never be the same and one day will be much better than imagined.