I’m Still Here


Looking back today on Facebook I quickly came to a conclusion; today, this day, March 13th has been a bad day for years. Is it coincidence or is it a glimpse into the window of my life.

On this day, I came close to death and had emergency surgery followed by a long recovery.
I met up with a friend in another state that would one day be closer to my family than I would like to admit and I still feel lucky to be here.  I’m no longer consumed with anger or bitterness, life is nothing we can control.

As I sit here and think of how many ups and downs I have experienced and how crazy life is I’m flooded with one calming truth, I’m still here!

I could have died in the hospital during my surgery or been impacted by thousands of other life changing events, however I’m still here.

I have so much to be thankful for, many good and bad years with the mother of my children, as we raising them to the best of our abilities and I will never forget that.

Now I have a new season of life in front of me.
I have two beautiful daughters that love me, a family that cares for me far beyond words and I have a woman by my side that accepts me as I am. She has a love for her girls and mine far greater than I could have asked for and knowing that I do not have to be ashamed of what I have done in my life is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

The fears I hade before meeting this beautiful soul consumed every breath, every dream and debilitated my thoughts. It’s not that she is with me all the time in person, but that I can feel her when I’m not with her. I love this woman and I see more now than ever, love has nothing to do with feelings, it has nothing to do with convenience or comfort. It’s mutual respect and standing on your own feet with another, when I need to lean yes she is there, but my leaning is on my faith not another trying to walk their life out.

I can sit here tonight, in the dark alone with my daughters sleeping in the other room and smile because I’m still here.

I’m not broken, I’m not defective, undesirable or tarnished, tainted or stained, I’m not a lost cause or just second best. I’m everything God intended me to be and life continues to amaze me.

For the ones I lost along the path of life, I wish the best for you, I hope that you can flourish in life. Life is too short to fall because of unmet expectations, hate, blame, guilt or bitterness, let it all go.

We are where we should be, and I will never forget the good times. We are all on this road together for as long as we need to be.

I have found happiness, I have found love and most importantly, I’m still here to experience it all.


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