After I Gave all my Firsts Away


When I give my time I give the deepest part I can give to another human. I choose very wisely who I give my time to.

Sitting with my daughters tonight and looking at their interactions and thinking of their future, something hit me. I am watching their future unwind right in front of my eyes.

Who will they become?
What will they do in life?
Will they have children?
How many?
Will they live here in Michigan?
Will they be ok in life?

Life is all about firsts, who gets your first. In Christianity they teach give your first to God, as if to say everything else is not important.
Well, is it?

I have given all my firsts away… First love, first kiss, first of my time, first children, first of myself.

Sure throughout life there were many people that made their mark on my heart. But we all remember in detail the firsts. There’s something special, or should be about who we give our firsts too. I’m not talking about the first time we have sex as much as the first time giving away something from your heart. In many cases they might be very different times.

Gosh, what first of anything do I have left to offer?
What new can I give to the one I love?

Life has unfortunately left me with far more questions than answers as I grow older. The feeling of hopelessness can creep in and destroy joy and the hope for a new future if all I focus on is what I have left to give. Most of the time I have nothing to give and nothing to offer, is that what my life has become?

The short answer is no, it shouldn’t be and is not what I will allow my life to become.

To find someone that doesn’t ask for anything, no requests, no requirements and no expectations is what I needed in my life.

I bet your saying wow, how shallow has he become..

Let me explain, when you do not require anything everything is a blessing, when you don’t expect, everything is beyond what your planning. Its as simple as a lunch date that wasn’t planned, a phone call after a hard day at work, a hey would you like to walk today. Everything is a gift and I think this is the key to having a happy life.

Let life simply happen, let love just be and let time worry about itself.

I have no firsts to give, I have nothing to offer for the first time. What if the true meaning of human relationships isn’t to hurry and gain all the firsts we can and somehow make a mark in others lives.

What if it’s really giving our last? What if that is where we are meant to focus a relationship between one another?

I have plenty of lasts, in fact every day I have an entire new inventory of lasts. Looking into a new future, a future of giving my last, my time has no limits that I can see.

It makes sense to me, by the time I figure out I gave my last, will it really matter, I’ll be gone.

Here’s to my last, last love, last kiss, last of my time and that has brought a huge feeling of relief to my life. Everyday I get to give my last of every minute to who ever I choose, and every night I am blessed by giving my last good night for the night. Tomorrow is a brand new day full of opportunity, unseen blessings and gifts.

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