My Lack of Respect


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I would like to tell you I have always had respect for others, that’s not at all true. As a child I was a bit strong willed, full of energy and even unruly. As I grew older my respect for others only diminish.

Growing up I didn’t have many rules or guidelines, it was just the way my mother raised me. I was free to fail or succeed without much in the form of consequences,  so when I was approached by someone of authority I was very resistant. My mom trusts me to do what I want, why should I listen to you..

As the trouble in my life began to become a concern, I began to blame it on my mother. “it’s her fault, she didn’t raise me good enough” and this carried on into my late teen years as the trouble became life changing. I held that lie until my early 30’s and for many years didn’t speak to her only fueling the lie I told myself.

“Cease lying to yourself, and stop telling yourself stories about why you behave the way you do. Stop blaming your behavior on other people and take responsibility for your emotional reactions”. – Sheri Rosenthal

I never had much respect for anyone and lately it has hit me, I also rarely allowed respect in my life. I didn’t value respect enough to care if I had someone’s respect or not. It was lacking in my life for so long that I confused respect for courtesy.

I can be courteous to someone I just met that is not yet gained my respect, yet struggle to respect those who should have it. I am courteous and until the last year failed to see how important respect is.

It was absent in my childhood, teen years, young adulthood, and until now my adulthood. It was missing in my failed marriage, how I raised my children, and how I treated my supervision.

Over the last two year’s I have felt the bottom of my life and reached new heights.

I have also found respect and I was given respect when there was no reason it should be offered to me. I remember the exact moment it was given and it has opened my eyes to how much I lacked respect in my life, until now.

I no longer blame my mother for how I was raised, she did the best she could. Just like I am doing for my daughters.

I no longer blame my shortfalls as a father on my father for not being there to show me how.

I no longer use the excuses I held onto for so long as a crutch to excuse my actions.

I found respect when I didn’t deserve it and I have learned how important it is in our lives and in our relationships.

I have a respect for my current supervisor that makes me want to push what I believe I can do.

I have respect for my girlfriend that I have never felt between a man and woman.

With respect comes peace and a calm that I have not felt in my life. It allows trust to grow and love to flow and it calms the words that fill my mind.

“The greatest obstacle to a Joyful Life
is your “story” about your life.
Your story is filled with perceived needs and obligations, and littered with resentments and regrets”. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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