I have been looking for myself for a very long time, who am I, what do I need, what do I want and when will the change happen? I thought I knew myself, unfortunately all I saw most of the time was what others projected back at me like a mirror. I became who they believed I was, I have been lucky enough to have others like me for the most part.
When it comes to love that is where it gets tricky, I have always been selfless, so I that believed, maybe at times too selfless and yet I found myself using it as a support system. There were many times I gave only to receive, the very opposite of how it should be. This is a confusing topic on its own to say the least, our entire life we are tough to give without expecting sometime in return yet every day we go to work and give hours for a wage, and most of life itself is based on the balance between give and take.
I had a warped vision of what I believed love was, I believed that love was filling something in someone else that was missing.. Not at all, it’s finding someone that is fully capable of living and side by side sharing your life bonded to them through respect and freedom. Everything else falls into place. Trust, commitment and intimacy are not found in what you do for someone, it’s found in freedom and acceptance of who they’re already.
Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you – Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires.
Love imposes no demands – Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand – “Make me feel whole.”
Love expands beyond the limits of two people – Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.
– Deepak Chopra in (The Path to Love)
I have always thought that I was meant to be in a relationship with someone that I needed to complete or they needed to complete me. This was also the measurement I used to gauge the “quality” of the relationship. The more “complete” we were the better the relationship was. It wasn’t until I was alone and fully alone did I understand what I have heard all these years about my thought process. If you cannot be complete on your own you will never compliment a relationship.
“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself – to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart”. – Leo F. Buscaglia
This is all new to me, I have found myself more in the last 18 months than in the 34 years. I see how my thoughts were not focused on the right areas in my life and what I did focus on was nothing I could change. I am not broken, I’m not in need or looking for someone to complete me, I am a perfectly complete human created to be exactly who I am. I truly believe this now and the feeling I have from that is overwhelming at times.
How long was I wrong? Is a question I often ask myself.
“True learning is not about facts, but about conscious appreciation of the experience of living”. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I found that when I stopped looking for someone to complete me I began to learn who I am. Searching my faith and listening for that quiet whisper I ignored lead me to where I am today.
For once I see how important listening to the voice of our heart is and learning to have strength and courage to move on it has opened up an entirely new life, it’s only the beginning.