Learning To Love


 

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“Love one another but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls”. – Khalil Gibran

Everything I have done in my life I have always done the hard way, I think that goes for most of us though. The lessons we learn are usually hard, or we wouldn’t learn from them. There are two lessons I have learned about love, and I’m sure the learning has only just begun.

The first is not to rely on another person; they are human too and to hold someone accountable for being more than they are capable is far too much pressure. The best relationship is one in which the love you have for each other exceeds the need you have for each other.

The other is learning to be ok with who I am and if I can’t be happy alone I am putting too much pressure on someone else and believing they will always be there.

I have failed at both of these many times and until recently have never truly been ok with myself or being alone. I told myself over and over I’m not sure I could do something and in most cases proved myself right by not trying hard enough. It was a vicious cycle of I’m right and always being right.

If you question whether or not you could be doing this, ask yourself these three questions.

·         What would you do if he/she was gone?

·         How do you feel when they leave for an extended period of time?

·         Are you allowing or depending on them for your happiness? (Are you in a bad mood when they are or happy when they are happy)

Through my life there are some lessons that changed my life, some negatively and some positively. Learning about who I am and begin completely honest with myself was one of the best life lessons. I have learned to be ok alone, that I can do “it” and that no one is responsible for my happiness.

I feel like I have grown more in the last 2 years than the 33 years

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The Pride of Being Right


If you know me you will also know that I love to talk, I am very social most of the time and love having fun. One thing you may not know is that I  have a huge issue with judgment, I judge very quickly. I’m also glad to admit that in most cases I’m wrong.

In life, you really do not understand something fully unless you have experienced it. So how can I think my judgement are valid.

I’m now in my 30’s, and I guess it’s better late than never, I can finally learn from watching others and not judging them. Laugh if you want however for me this is a breakthrough.

“You never really learn much from hearing yourself speak”. – George Clooney

I’m sure we have all heard the countless stories’ regarding “life” from our parents. Do this, don’t do that, stay away from him or her, “you kids have it so easy these days” or even better the “when I was your age”…… fill in the blank.

I personally remember one conversation I had with my father and he said something to me that actually impacted me as a child, he said “I wish I would have done so many things differently”. He didn’t say, you are wrong, you should do better or you should focus more. He opened up his heart and connected with emotion.  

“You prove your worth with your actions, not with your mouth”. – Jean Paul

He showed me with his heart that there was something more to life that I needed to look for. I really think I’m seeing it almost 30 years later. It’s that life is lived in one of two ways. Regret for something you didn’t do and wished you would have or the satisfaction that you really tried, even if you failed.

“One of the surest ways to cause yourself great suffering is to insist upon being right –
to demand that all others view life exactly as you view it”. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Being right had nothing to do with anything but selfish pride.

What is it I won in life for being right?

I really can’t think of anything positive that came from me fighting to be right. Maybe for once being wrong is ok, and letting go of the battle is the next step in my life.

The Innocence of a Child


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“Children are born innocent; before they are domesticated they live in the moment, love without fear, and don’t even think about the opinions of others”. – don Miguel Ruiz

Everything we “stand for” in our lives today is something we either learned through lessons in life or taught by following the actions of someone we look up to!

I strive to be the best I can be for my daughters in hopes that they will use what I stand for as an example of what a man should be, and I’m far from perfect. Sometimes being honest with your failures is more of an impact to others than being perfect.  When I fail my daughters I try to be as honest with them as I can be (age appropriately) and the outcome has in most cases been understanding, acceptance and appreciation for respecting them enough to explain myself. Although they are children we often underestimate their knowledge of what is going on in life.

I am learning to stop underestimating my daughter’s intelligence and the outcome has been far beyond what I could imagine.

Waiting for The Day That Never Comes


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“There is more to life than increasing its speed”. – Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi 

On Monday all I could think about was Friday, well it’s Friday and ironically as I write this I’m thinking “I have waited all week for today” but why? Today is just another day yet I’m constantly trying to rush through the week for the weekend. Is there more to life than getting through it?

Today has so many emotions associated with it, on this day one of my favorite actors lost his life his name is Robin Williams and he was by far one of my favorite people in Hollywood and his performances will be missed and not forgotten. He has left a legacy of amazing works and overcoming so many obstacles in life.

I also have a personal loss today, one that feels more ambivalent than anything else in my life. I have thought about how this day would feel all week and as today got closer and closer I had a little anxiety about it.

I do not want to give too much power to this loss; I do however want to show reverence. Today would have been my anniversary and there is a feeling of grief associated with today. I have to admit it isn’t as bad of a feeling as I had imagined in my mind leading up to today and in most cases that is how it goes. Our minds elaborate and create scenarios that are in most cases far from the truth.

I choose that today is a good day, partly because I’m happy that I am where I am in life, with my girls and have been blessed with a wonderful woman that fits so many of the pieces that have been missing. Sure I wish the loss would have been under different circumstances however life will not allow you to rule it. The plans we set are nothing more than little events that we tell ourselves to appease our minds and make ourselves believe we are in control.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another”. – William James 

Today is a celebration of things to come not a mourning of losses; life is far too short to look in the rear-view mirror all the time. I would hate to wake up one day and have more regrets than celebrations. I can either choose to love life or hate it, to let go of the past or allow it to rob my future of anything new, the choice is mine!

“The life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress is the easiest type of existence”. – Norman Vincent Peale

Today I love everything about where I am in life and I also respect everything I had the opportunity to experience, sure some events more than others but all of them have shown me something about myself or in some cases pushed me into seeing what I am capable of.

If I took a snapshot of my life right at this moment and said to myself everything that has happened in my life up until this point has made me who I am today than I would say it was worth every second. I hope that someone reading this feels uplifted, inspired and has found some peace; I also hope that you see nothing in life is permanent, nothing lasts forever and the plans we set are nothing more then ideas we have and hope for the future, try not to put too much power into the plans for the future and at the same time dream the most amazing dreams.

If you are struggling right now I promise that it will one day be just another memory and the pain you feel will one day fade and allow for joy to take its place. You are the only one that has the power to choose how long the feelings last; when you choose to change how you think you will also change how you respond!

Believe in the Beauty of Today


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I have had a plan in my mind for as long as I could remember about what I wanted when I grew up. To get married, have 2 children, become everything I could become at my work (at the time I wanted to become a mechanic), have a dog, nice cars and one day live on a lake. This has always been my “plan” for as far as I could remember.

It’s a bit different than I had envisioned in my life, well some of it and the only thing I could control about any of it was my perspective.

Although I am no longer married I have a relationship with an amazing woman that is pleasing to my heart, I have two Beautiful daughters and a bonus of two more due to Jennifer, I do not have a dog however she has two of them, I am not a mechanic but do work on pharmaceutical machinery, I do not really care much about the cars I drive however they are nice, I am currently living in an nice little apartment and hope to be in a lake house in the next few years.

Every thought we think is creating our future”. – Louise L. Hay

Today I’m not really planning as much as I did when I was younger, not because of everything that has not turned out but because it really doesn’t matter much as long as I am happy where I am today and I am very happy where I am today. I wouldn’t steal from that feeling or trade it in for a dream of one day having something else. Yes, sure I dream they just do not hold as much power in my life as they did in the past, I would rather live today to its fullest than wait for it to appear to “work out”.

A beautiful future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of today. It’s all about your outlook on life, you can focus on what isn’t going according to “plan” or you can focus on what is. After a while the plan of life seems to fade and that is when true enjoyment can be appreciated.  I wouldn’t give up today for tomorrow even if I could!

 

We Are All Human


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We are all connected in some way or another, whether we like it or not. We are the all of the same race, we are of the human race and sequentially trying to reach the same core goals; searching for God, love others and to feel love, reach an honest life and enjoy our family.

 

When looking at the diversity of our country it should be seen as limitless possibilities not “us and them” or who is right or wrong. I recently saw a video about the history of our country; it was created and is such an amazing country because of the diversity that so many people are fighting.

“When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe”. – John Muir

Why is it so hard to see we are all connected and the same deep down. Yes there is and has always been evil in the world and in most cases it’s due to ignorance in their beliefs or an unmet mental condition.

WE are failing as humanity!

What if we tried to understand and not push what we do not understand away or loved more and hated less? I truly hope that we can learn to come together for my children and grandchildren’s sake. Do we really want to let everything fall apart and give it to our loved ones to fix?

Imagine this, my daughter looking up and watching her father and seeing how I live, watching all the hate I spread, fighting and struggling through life as I push racism, hate and cursing God. What do you think she will feel as she becomes an adult?

Here is a great example, I am a Christian and that means one thing that I believed Jesus gave his life to cover my sins! So let’s look at just one religion, sense we are on the topic how about Christianity.

I live and was born in United States of America, that makes me an American and I worship God, and he had a son that was not from America. Jesus was a Judean and he lived in Judea, spoke Aramaic, Hebrew and Greek. His “religion” was being Jewish as most Judeans were. He was a resident of the kingdom of Judea when he was born. So should I curse my religion because he is not American,.. This is the ignorance we are all facing whether we are Christians or not.

I’m not excusing the actions of hate and the evil that happens, the reason of the hate needs to be understood and corrected. The action of hate comes from an issue with the heart not a race and is carried out by the individual not the weapon they use. We need to come together as humanity. It has nothing to do with who is right or wrong, what God they believe in, what race they are or what language they speak. It has to do with leaving our loved ones with a better world than they came into.

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What Do You Do When No One Is Looking 


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“The most important promises are the ones we make to ourselves. The promises we make to ourselves are the ones that assure us we have the capacity to keep our promises to others”. – Mary Anne Radmacher

What is integrity? If you search for integrity this is what it says on Google and the definition to me almost falls short of explaining the depth of the word.
(The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness)
(The state of being whole and undivided)

I have been trying to explain integrity to my daughters more and more lately. Expressing the importance of our actions and more importantly how even what you do when no one is looking can impact people in your life. Integrity can be one of the trickiest actions to sustain, it has to do with who you are on the inside and in many cases in secrete or behind closed doors.

“If you have integrity, nothing else matters.
If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters”.
– Alan K. Simpson

In many circumstances integrity is all we truly have; it’s the foundation of everything. Trust, respect, love and appreciation are all affected by the level of integrity you have. Like most things in life experiencing the outcome of either the absence or presence of integrity in your life is the best teacher.

I guess I will focus on being there when my daughters fall and most importantly not by greeting them with a “told you so”, but greeting them with love.

This is a song we all know I’m sure, but have you ever read the lyrics? Separate your emotions from the song and simply take the word for what they are.

Be careful little eyes what you see
What goes in is what comes out

Be careful little ears what you hear
What goes in is what comes out

Be careful little hands what you do
What goes in is what comes out

Be careful little feet where you go
What goes in is what comes out

Whatever is your heart
Is gonna speak, it’s gonna shine
Whatever is in your heart will come out
Cause the truth don’t lie

It all boils down to integrity, being aware of yourself and most importantly being honest to yourself. I hope my daughters do not have to go through everything I have to learn this lesson, and if I know them that is exactly what it will take. All I can do is pray that something good comes out of what they go through in life and never make them question how much I love them.