What Is Really Happening


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About most subjects, there is not “The Truth;” there is merely one’s personal truth”. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 Getting the two confused has created most of the issues I struggled to overcome in my life. I have what I think is the truth and fight to see past what “I know” to be true. Sometimes proving my illusions wrong has been a far better teacher than finding the truth in the end. It’s about the path to get there more than the destination.

Lately I have been thinking about my life, where I have been, where I am now and where I am going in the future and the more I let go of what I “know” the better, lighter and more free I feel.

When I was 10 I remember having a conversation with my step father, I said “on day I will be a mechanic and work on cars just like you”. I knew it in my heart that I would; I didn’t become or peruse a position as a mechanic but at the time I was SO sure I knew that would be my future.

Sometimes what we know is holding back from becoming anything more, at least for me it has. I found safety in my family and I was perfectly fine staying right where I was despite everything around me failing.

“The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple”. – Oscar Wilde

Seeing what was really going on in my life is becoming easier as I strip away what I think I know and embrace the possibility that I could be wrong and holding on too tightly to things of the world. I am at a point in my life that I have never experienced and a freedom to choose what I want and how I want it. I find myself standing in one place more than I have in the past and thinking a lot less about the details of the future.

Life is very bizarre, one day everything can feel perfect and the next it’s the worst day you have ever had. It’s all subjective and it’s all a choice about how we perceive what we “know” is happening and what is really happening.

If I were to give a summary of my life right now I could summarize it in a few short sentences.

Until now my life was one missed expectation after another, plans for the future modified one after another until I forgot what I was struggling for and confusion about what was important in my life. Now I care less about sticking according to plan and more about living for today and loving without expectations.

I have also found the less I have the more I feel in life. My possessions, the emotions I feel and the experiences I share mean so much more when I am not focused too far in the future. I’m happy to say I love where I am, with who I have this time to spend and for as long as I have to spend it. I also have a fraction of what I had 2 years ago, yet my heart is more at peace than it has ever been.

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