We Hold Onto Something That Is Free Like It Will Run Out


20160916_182947

“One is loved because one is loved”. – The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

After reading that it took me a few seconds to process what it meant, “One is loved because one is loved”, how can someone that has never experienced love share love?

I know that some of my readers will automatically think, “Everyone has felt love” why I do believe that everyone has felt love without a balance of continual love both receiving and giving the feelings of resentment and bitterness set in. I have been on both sides of this and each has its own struggles.

(Today I love my mother and father so what I am about to say no longer resides in my heart, however for a time in my life it did)

As a child I remember fighting, fear and abandonment. My father left my life about the age of 3-4 for reasons I did not understand until I myself became an adult. I’m not saying it was right or wrong, what I’m saying is that I understand it. Shortly after I was born my mother and father got pregnant with my brother Matt, I believe it’s referred to as “Irish Twins” and due to many complications he died shortly after birth.  As a parent I cannot comprehend what that would feel like nor ever want to. My father and mother both found relief in drugs and alcohol, and I do not blame them, I’m not sure I wouldn’t as well.

After a few years of struggling my father moved to Florida to attempt to hide from the pain, only to learn that you cannot run from a pain that is inside. He began a new family in Florida and I would visit once a year, usually over summer vacation.

My mother fought as a single mother, struggling to raise a child alone without a steady income. She did what she could and I appreciate her for that!

However during this time in my life I felt very alone. No brothers or sisters at this time and a single mother striving to feed and provide for her son. I remember staying with relatives, moving schools almost yearly and never feeling comfortable or a place to call home.

The point to all this is not pity, it’s to show the past does not control the future and that growing up as chaotic and full of struggle does not always end in being an unsuccessful adult or parent.

For me it guided my decision making process into an “I don’t want that in my life or for my girls”.

Today I do not fear love, being alone or losing possessions. I cling to that fact that life will continue on no matter what you “plan” and that if you do not give love the chance of ever receiving it back is very unlikely.

Today I have a great job at a pharmaceutical company; I also work with my father and uncle at times side by side and truly enjoy it. I love my beautiful daughters like nothing on earth, spend time taking my mother to dinner when she is in town and loving my girlfriend like I would like to be loved, I still have love for my ex-wife for the years we had and mother of my daughters. I cannot change the past but I can make sure that my future does not repeat what I went through.

Love is absolutely free, why be greedy with love, generously give it even if you think they don’t deserve it, because I promise they are going through something you may not understand at the time. What if one day it all makes sense and you missed out on years of having a relationship because you felt they don’t deserve it. I know that feeling and let me tell you the years you miss will never come back. Life is too short to be so greedy.

Advertisements

Feel free to comment,

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s