Why I write, A Look Inside My Mind


I really wanted to do something a little different in this post, I wanted to give you all a look into what motivates me to write and the process that has gotten me here.

I have always been a big thinker, even as a child in school I remember drifting off in daydreams and doodling on the edges of my assignment. I also remember most of my teachers nagging and complaining about how I do not pay attention, and have a lack of motivation in general. Its not that I didn’t want to learn its that what I was learning I could really care less about.

I wanted to know things like, what my life would be like when I am able to get away from home? How some people say they love you more than anything in the world, yet can leave? Why I have to deal with the things I had to deal with at such a young age? I was consumed with adult situations as a child and felt I didn’t have time to lean how important Math will be when I get older. By the way I only use a fraction of the crap they tough and I work in a Pharmaceutical manufacturing plant.

My writing began like the birth of a baby, and like a baby I was learned to speak. I began to read and re-writing it in my words through the various filters of my life. I still receive the same daily emails from another writer and almost every time I read the quotes I’m inspired to change my mood, outlook I have on the day or it inspires me to take time write for you all here on Real Life.

When I began Real Life 5 years ago it was a group on Facebook (and still is) as a way to release the words that felt trapped in my head. It felt like I was holding the weight of my life on my shoulders and adding more and more daily. The first post I shared, words can’t describe the feeling, but if you know me, you know I’ll try anyway.

When I talk or try to explain through emotion I stumble over my words, sometimes my emotions are overwhelming and I cry, I do not stutter but then again my mind goes way faster than the words come out, so I guess it is a form of stuttering. What you may end up hearing are bullet point topics that may not even make sense and in some cases change topics half way into the conversation. Writing calms the words down to a manageable flow making it a little easier to understand.

In the beginning I would read and search the internet for something that impacted me and triggered an emotion to write, now I find life itself accomplishes what I was searching for.

I do read daily and if it impacts or triggers any emotion I write. Today what I write reaches deeper into my heart and less from outside influences. At first I didn’t put it together that maybe I’m supposed to write, I just did it because it felt good and it was a coincidence people liked what I have to say; I see now that there’s no way I could meet others exactly where they need to be met without it being a gift. That’s what makes me love writing, I feel something and have the ability to express it and the confidence to actually post it.

How many of you have a story that needs to be heard but are afraid to share?

By adding my personal touch and a little piece of who I am through the emotions it generates as I write, I create a connection to those who read my personal interpretation of what I feel and experience, I connect. You may not know me, you may not have ever read anything I have written and all it takes is one post to feel the genuineness of what I write.

To me no matter how “big” Real Life becomes, how far my words reach or if I one day write a book. That is not what matters to me as much as hearing about the one person’s life I truly impacted and the years of posts I will leave behind for my daughters and their children.

That is why I write and this is a small look into the mind of Scott Jenkins and a legacy I leave in my words about the life I lived.

(Daily Inspiration – Daily Quotes – Jonathan Lockwood Huie http://www.jonathanlockwoodhuie.com/ )

Advertisements

Is Meeting a Deadline Worth Your Happiness


sdf

There is more to life than increasing its speed”. – Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Well this is ironic,

Today I was discussing some plans with my girlfriend about this very topic, rushing to make everything fit into the schedule with 4 girls that all have things to do in their lives and trying to add more to a full schedule as opposed to taking less on in our lives and enjoying the plans we have.

I catch myself adding and adding to the already busy schedule, I’m learning to step back and pass up on events so the things we already have going on in our lives are more enjoyable and not just a motion to get through to meet another deadline. Life is short enough, and to not enjoy it takes away what life itself is. Living without taking time fully engage what we “sign up for” is wasting life not living it.

Have you ever been so busy you feel like you can’t even breathe let alone enjoy what it is that is consuming your time? I find myself sitting back and thinking “what was that” when its Friday and I think of the week I had and not really even remembering what my week looked like let alone having enjoyment in it.

“Is a deadline worth your health and happiness? Consider a gentler, quieter, slower life. Pause to smell the roses, to breathe, to take a quiet moment for yourself”. – Further reading: Quiet Time, the Quiet Voice of Courage, The Beat of the Universe Finding God in Silence Your Intuition is Your Guide

Image source: Work With Grace

Fall Down, But Don’t Stay Down


lee 

“You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down”. – Mary Pickford

 

Falling in life is unavoidable, however staying down is a choice that has to be made. Every day, every hour, even every minute can be a fresh start. I have found that the only time I have failed in my life was when I chose to quit. Sometimes giving up is not a failure as much as a choice to not stay down. There will always be things in life that are good for you and things that are bad, people that motivate passion and inspire change in our lives and people that keep us from seeing our full potential.

Begin aware of who is in your life and why they are in your life could be what’s holding you back from being more than what you were yesterday. Be careful to differentiate what you can chose in your life and how they may influence your life. Do not blame others for being less than motivated to change, just be aware that not everyone that comes into your life is meant to stay there.

I am learning to regret less and see that everything in my life happens for a reason. My childhood friends that I continually got into trouble with, my father leaving me at such a young age, how may family has broken down and hardly speaks to one another. I could stay down complacent with life and say life sucks because all the bad that has happened in my life or I could say I learned something through all that I have experienced and have no regrets for how some things turned out.

This morning while I was on the treadmill I turned my music up, put my hood up and focused on nothing but my options for how today will go.

“You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it”. – Paulo Coelho

Create a Beautiful Mind


1

Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them”. – David Hume

How do you see beauty; or do you struggle to see the beauty in life at all?

I tend to be quick to judge a book by its cover unfortunately and only after walking away from the person to think a little deeper about my judgments. In the past I always said to myself the quote “beauty is on the inside” was only something ugly people said, don’t judge, you’ve thought it too and I no longer think that way. I’m learning to see inside people and not to judge them so quickly by their outward appearance and I said “learning” so I’m far from perfect.

When is the last time you stopped for a minute and looked around at nature? We get so caught up in the A to B in our lives that we often miss the journey trying to get to our destination.

Why are we in such a hurry? Rush, rush, scurry to the next meeting, next appointment only to do it again the next day and complain about it the entire time; I’m guilty of it however trying to slow down and live a little.

The flowers are wilting, the leaves turning colors and falling to the ground as the nights get colder and the days get shorter. Fall is here and winter on the way, I’m not a fan of winter but it offers something I need, brakes, I need to put on the brakes in my life. Winter forces me to slow down, maybe one day I will learn to slow down on my own.

I have learned over the last few years that there is beauty in imperfection, not everything has to be straight, neat and in order, not everything has to go according to a plan and sometimes there is excitement in disorder.

I hope to see the beauty in something today, and I hope you do too!

When The Sun Goes Down, The Stars Come Out.


untitled

“You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give”. – Eleanor Roosevelt 

Last night I watched a video of a boy named Spencer who is waiting for a heart, and what I saw didn’t hit me until this morning. This young man is waiting for a heart… hes not complaining or pouting he is dancing and singing…

Some days I struggle to eat without complaining. 

Our struggles are only as powerful as we allow them to be, they only have the impact in our lives we allow them to have.  I am healthy, have an apartment, car, food, family that loves me, two daughters that have blessed my life more than words can describe, a woman that continually makes me smile from my heart and I still complain about the things I can’t change. The more I look at it the more it makes no logic for me to think this way. I am blessed and I continually give power to the bully of complacency in my life.

Well I’m feeling positive today, partly from watching the video of Spencer. I hope that this brings awareness to the struggles you are facing. The storm will not last forever, the sun will shine, the birds will sing and all you have to do is stand up to the bully inside.

I believe in the power of positive thinking, LETS GET THIS SENT TO Ellen DeGeneres!

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come”. – Joseph Campbell

I’m Feeling Down, I Know I’m Not Alone 


Most of the time I write from a positive point of view, upbeat and full of love. Today, well actully the last week has really taken its toll on me.

Tonight I’m writing to let some emotions out and to hopefully by the end of this turn these feeling around. 

I’m tired, I’m struggling with a lot of things in my life at the moment and I know I’m not alone. I hope I can create some comfort in at least one other person who reads this. 

It’s Sunday, that means that I am transitioning from the crazy busy work, homework, dinner, shower bed routine into being alone again. Every Sunday is a transition, either into the busyness or out of it. 

I have started attending church again after quite a while away and what I heard today hit me pretty hard. 3 weeks ago we began a series called Storytellers, one story after another of personal testimonies of how God has worked in someone’s life. 

When I think about my life I feel there has been a lot of struggle and turmoil. However I have always come out better than before. I survived so many experiences and came out a better person every time. I’m sure not feeling it at the moment. Right now I’m frustrated, ashamed of the mess my life represents and embarrassed as the example for my girls. 

How do I talk about marriage when I honestly am rethinking everything I thought marriage was?

How do I show being financially secure when I struggle having enough money for gas at times?

How can I expect anyone to read what I write and not just say “well he’s just a screw up”? 

What is the example I can leave my girls with as they are growing into woman that will be looking for someone to share their life with? 

At the moment I really don’t feel very successful. I guess I need to look harder at what I use as a gage of success.

If you’re struggling tonight I hope you find comfort that I’m struggling too. You are not alone, and I can promise one thing. That where we are tonight is not where we will be forever. God has a plan for me, and he has a plan for you. I have no idea what’s coming up next but I have made it this far, I’m not about to give up now. 

I don’t pray for an easy life, I pray that I can stand next to someone and provide comfort and understanding.

I do not want to be rich, I just don’t want to struggle so much financially. 

I don’t want to be great, I just want a simple life with a few people that truly enjoy me. 

I don’t want a story book romance, I just want a love that’s true and pure. 

My Little Story of Us


It all began with a simple post, similar to this one above. A little positive post and I remember it like it was yesterday. I read the post and only after reading it looked to see who this person was that post touched my heart. It was a woman I have seen around here and there through church and mutual friends but have never offically met. 

The feeling of thankfulness was very powerful, so I reached out and thanked her for the post, “thank you for posting, it touched me deeply“. Little did I know this woman would hold my heart over a year later. 

Week after week went by and our conversations were never enough. A good night message was always followed by a good morning, and I don’t think one day has went by that we haven’t began and ended our days this way. I found a great friend! 

The day we first met over coffee, we also share love for the dark caffeinated beverage. As we chatted about life I felt like I have known her for years. A feeling of freedom and calm covered me like a blanket. I wasn’t scared, nervous or anxious, I was in the right place at the right time; and at that moment had no idea what to expect. All I know is that our conversations felt amazing and was far better than the best session of therapy I have had over the last 2 years. 

I have found someone that shares visions of life and goals almost identically. Our minds clicked and our hearts did not hide or build walls of protection. I was an open book and the story’s we shared were not something you wouldn’t share with anyone but your best friend. 

I really believe that sometimes in life bad things happen to guide us to a change in path for our lives. 

As our time together became more frequent our friendship clearly was heading into the deep end of the pool. By clearly, I mean I had no idea until I suddenly couldn’t touch the bottom of the pool. I was quickly approaching the day we needed to have a talk about why we suddenly found lack of words and I had a little pit in my stomach. 

Wait, this can’t be..

I think I’m in love..

But am I ready? Is she feeling the same way? Oh no, what if I tell her and I get lesson 1 of the friend zone?

I was scared! 6’3″ and 200lbs and I was scared of a few words. 

Let’s just say I found my words, and one obstacle after another began to fall away, like it was the plan all along. 

Tonight as I write this I’m thankful for finding the words, sharing my heart and good coffee. I have a life full of respect as well as a great friendship with an amazing woman that I love. 

Never stop trying, you never know when life will take a turn that changes everything. 

I’m not sure where my or our future is heading so I’m holding onto not having expectations, life can’t be planned so for today here I am, and I wouldn’t wish I was anywhere else. 

Our Box of Crayons


untitled

“Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor and your picture begins to lighten up”. – Allen Klein

Today is a new day, choose how you want to spend it, you can bring all the garbage from yesterday into today or you can see today as a completely new day. Over the last few days I have been looking forward more and spending less time looking back. I feel better when I focus my efforts on moving in a positive direction rather than trying to figure out all the things of the past. 

Each of us is an artist, but many are repressed artists.
There is something of ourselves that cannot be expressed in words.
Perhaps that something can be expressed in form or color, dance or music.
If only with crayons or a tin drum,
let that something that cannot be said move your hands or your body today.
Further reading: The Canvas Of Life

If I were to sing, play an instrument or attempt in any way to release my expression of life through music I’m pretty sure my Real Life page would be taken down; it is just not my gift. At the same time I know I’m far from the perfect writer but words just feel better to my soul and I believe area a better reflection to the world of who I am.

Find your crayons and paint your picture of life with the gifts you have been given.

I’m Just One Small Piece of The Puzzle


Anytime you move into an area of your life that was not planned, not expected or undesirable, it is rarely with excitement. 

Today I feel like I’m standing on a wall and can see where I have been just as good as where I’m going. I feel at peace yet hesitant to move, not out of fear; out of knowing there’s no going back from some steps. 

I apologize in advance for how vague I am being however this is very personal.

At the same time I do not want to miss out on the opportunity to share how empowering letting go can be and how important connections are. 

I have lived 36 years and one month on this earth, and I feel like I’m just know seeing how it works. The world is neutral, the elements are continually changing and the days are 24 hours consistently. It’s people that are the variables. 

Who are we connected with, why are we connected to that person and what purpose do we have for the connection? This morning was a great example, a friend posted a simple quote on social media and it triggered something in me to write. I was having a bad day, and my girlfriend asked a simple question “how are you doing“? Those 4 words brought tears to my eyes as I explained where I was today. The combination of the post and the loving question was the perfect mixture with the perfect trigger to write and post something that was later found to impact someone’s day positively. 

This is it! That is the key to life, the lifeblood of all existing while we are here. To connect, help one another and be one piece of the puzzle that inspires, motivates and pushes us all to make an impact. Some small, some large yet all a part of the movement of life. 

Today I have been absolutely pissed, I have cried, I have laughed, vented, and I have impacted at least one person other than myself. Tomorrow’s a new day to make my little piece of the puzzle count. 

Some connections are more needed than other, and at the same time enjoy all of them appropriately and according to what they are in your life. 

Keep Moving, Keep Pushing!


screenshot_20161010-073723

When you find yourself at a point in your life that feels like a destination, rests in that but do not remain there.

Looking back at my life I have done a lot of resting and not a lot of pushing onto the next thing. I find my comfort zone and that becomes my new place to hunker down and sleep. It’s only through the struggles of my life I find the majority of my change.

What if I was a little more proactive and a little less reactive to the situations in my life?

What if I found the rest in knowing that I’m doing well but for a change didn’t stop there; I broke through and continued on with the energy and feelings of accomplishment to reach a new area of achievement for my life.

I truly feel that I have more to give, more to offer and more to do than wake up go to work, cook dinner and help with homework only to do it again. I really feel that I’m on the verge of something huge and there is so much more to my story that has not yet been written.