When You Feel Unsteady


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I woke up this morning fairly tired from last night yet feeling good, not really motivated to get into the gym and a little tiresome as I drove to my apartment to get ready for work. I was cut off by 3 cars on the highway, construction cones for miles and not one worker or construction that I could see at all, hit every light red, and was behind a very slow driver most of the way home and as I turned the last corner I saw it, a train stopped on the track blocking any chance of me to get home at all until it moved. So I did what anyone would do got pissed, put the car in park and buried my face in my phone hoping to find something that would cheer me up!

At that moment a song that has never touched my heart ever hit me, and not just a “oh this is a good song” it made that ball in my throat appear and the lights of the train crossing began to get blurry from tears.  The song was X Ambassadors – Unsteady and all I could think of was my daughters and what they may be going through. Without getting into details out of respect there are some things in their lives that are clearly becoming harder and harder for them to understand, and at the moment I’m not there… I have always been there.

X Ambassadors – Unsteady lyrics

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Mama, come here
Approach, appear
Daddy, I’m alone
‘Cause this house don’t feel like home

If you love me, don’t let go
Whoa, if you love me, don’t let go

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Mother, I know
That you’re tired of being alone
Dad, I know you’re trying
To fight when you feel like flying

What do you do when your heart hurts so badly for someone you are supposed to protect and there’s nothing you can do to help or fix it? When your time has been limited by a decision made as a lesser of the two evils? Today my heart hurts so bad for my two little girls who never asked for any of this but are forced to understand adult situations as a child.

I am learning to let go of what I can’t change, love as hard as I can for every minute I have and to let the feelings inside, out and not pushing them down to hide them like I want to do at the moment. I have never been good at hiding my emotions, why start now.

I’m sitting here writing, thinking of my girls and trusting that my Father is watching over them when I can’t and they can feel His comfort.

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