Most of the time I write from a positive point of view, upbeat and full of love. Today, well actully the last week has really taken its toll on me.
Tonight I’m writing to let some emotions out and to hopefully by the end of this turn these feeling around.
I’m tired, I’m struggling with a lot of things in my life at the moment and I know I’m not alone. I hope I can create some comfort in at least one other person who reads this.
It’s Sunday, that means that I am transitioning from the crazy busy work, homework, dinner, shower bed routine into being alone again. Every Sunday is a transition, either into the busyness or out of it.
I have started attending church again after quite a while away and what I heard today hit me pretty hard. 3 weeks ago we began a series called Storytellers, one story after another of personal testimonies of how God has worked in someone’s life.
When I think about my life I feel there has been a lot of struggle and turmoil. However I have always come out better than before. I survived so many experiences and came out a better person every time. I’m sure not feeling it at the moment. Right now I’m frustrated, ashamed of the mess my life represents and embarrassed as the example for my girls.
How do I talk about marriage when I honestly am rethinking everything I thought marriage was?
How do I show being financially secure when I struggle having enough money for gas at times?
How can I expect anyone to read what I write and not just say “well he’s just a screw up”?
What is the example I can leave my girls with as they are growing into woman that will be looking for someone to share their life with?
At the moment I really don’t feel very successful. I guess I need to look harder at what I use as a gage of success.
If you’re struggling tonight I hope you find comfort that I’m struggling too. You are not alone, and I can promise one thing. That where we are tonight is not where we will be forever. God has a plan for me, and he has a plan for you. I have no idea what’s coming up next but I have made it this far, I’m not about to give up now.
I don’t pray for an easy life, I pray that I can stand next to someone and provide comfort and understanding.
I do not want to be rich, I just don’t want to struggle so much financially.
I don’t want to be great, I just want a simple life with a few people that truly enjoy me.
I don’t want a story book romance, I just want a love that’s true and pure.