Set Your Life on Fire


fire

“The moment you become miserly you are closed to the basic phenomenon of life: expansion, sharing. The moment you start clinging to things, you have missed the target. Because things are not the target, you, your innermost being, is the target – not a beautiful house, but a beautiful you; not much money, but a rich you; not many things, but an open being, available to millions of things”. – Osho

Lately so many of the conversations I have had with others are all leading back to my past relationship and some painful topics. Today a song came on Pandora that made me sit back in my chair. The song was at one time in my life a feeling of desire to feel something else other than abandonment and loneliness.

(Day old Hate by City and Colour lyrics)

So let’s face it this was never what you wanted
And I know its fun to pretend
Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they’re all I have.

So drown me and if you can
Or we could just have conversation.
And I fall, I fall, I faulter
But I found you, before I drift away

Now you still speak of day old hate
Though your whole world has gone up into flames
And isn’t it great to find that you’re really worth nothing
And how safe it is to feel safe.

So drown me and if you can
Or we could just have conversation.
And I fall, I fall, I fall down
But I found you, before I drift away

The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to keep ourselves alive.

 

There are so many songs that mean something totally different after walking through a divorce, separation of what was known as my family and learning to brush off and start again. Sometimes letting go is easier said than done, what was a family is now a joint agreement to share two beautiful girls. With all that said I do not want anyone to think that I am low, depressed or re-thinking anything that I have done, not at all. I’m finally in a place in my life that I can process and begin to cut the last few strands that once held together what I knew as a family and create something new.

“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light”. – Albert Schweitzer

My light went dim; it faded down to a small glimmer of light that was not visible unless you were close to me. But it never was fully extinguished. Today I feel so full of life, so loved and free to begin again. My girls were my constant reminder to tell myself to get up, show up, put on my hat, and show them that falling is okay, as long as you get back up. Through everything they have also said to me how happy they are that daddy is happy. I am so thankful to have them; they may have saved my life more than I saved theirs.

There is one more person that has changed everything, when she walked into my life I was lower than I have ever been, some people can turn your glimmer of light into a wildfire. I’m grateful for a strong woman that stands by my side as my best friend, someone that understands how life can go, someone that I can love as well as loves me and the two amazing girls that have joined my life with Jennifer that I am crazy about.

I also have a family that constantly tells me how much they love me and how proud of the man have become.

What defines blessed?

I believe it’s the ability to love what you have no matter how great or limited it seems. I believe I am blessed and have been blessed for some time without even knowing it.

The expectations I had about what my life would be, were the exact assumptions that limited the possibility of it becoming anything more. I would not recommend divorcing your wife or husband and I certainly do not want the hate mail that would come from an allegation of “well Scott said so” I’m only saying that in my case my life has brought me to where I am today through many choices that I and others in my life have made (neither right or wrong) and I have gratitude for where I am today.

When you find those people in your life that set you on fire, don’t hold onto them and suffocate their light; let them burn and keep them in your life as friends and loved ones to feed the fire inside.

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