I Choose Me First, Even If You Don’t 


When your life is in turmoil or struggle it seems nearly impossible to see anything other than what’s right in front of you. It’s hard to see the blue sky through the clouds, even if you know it’s there. 
I am now at peace in most of my life and I have noticed something interesting. I have been second pick in so many people’s lives over my lifetime. I just find this interesting, why is it that I’m rarely picked first. 

Someone said something to me last week that really impacted what I have been feeling lately. They said “you weren’t my choice, but now that I know you I am not complaining“. It was a compliment honestly but it reinforced the deep feeling of being second best. 

Just to clarify, this post has nothing to do with my relationship with Jennifer. I felt I needed to say that so I don’t get hit with tons of messages.

Actually, it’s quite the opposite, through our relationship I have respect, trust and space that allows me to find areas in my life that I have needed to dig into deeper. In the past I was far too busy with the storms in my life to take time to dig down past the surface of my life. 

So back to my topic, what is it that makes me second choice so often? 

I have been truly digging to see what it could be that makes people think “ehh, maybe” rather than “he’s qualified” or to even be desired.

We all have blind spots and I think this is one of mine. 

I’m so curious as to what traits are seen or unseen that creates hesitation when it comes to picking me out in a lineup. 

I can remember standing next to many other kids in school, towering over them and still not getting chosen for a team in basketball. I watched as the schoolyard pick went back ans forth until it came down to a couple of us. I was clearly a foot taller than most, yet still not chosen.

Was it lack of confidence, was it my insecurities that I have a tendency to wear on my sleeve?

What was it they saw that made them overlook my height advantage in a game that height is desired? 

This has always been the story in my life, and I’m learning that no matter what, I chose me first and that’s what truly matters.

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