Sometimes while fumbling my way through this thing called life I have little moments that take my breath away.
Have you ever had a moment while you are going though the day after day, bill after bill, work, work, work monotony that life brings when suddenly a calm comes over you and a quiet reminder that everything is ok. Although I believe this its a gift from God, I also believe he places people in our lives as a reminder that we can relate to here on earth.
I don’t want anyone to think that anything in my life is wrong at all, just the day to day can seem to add up and feel much bigger than it should.
While everything seems to be going “according to plan” in my life over time there seems to be a little nagging feeling that something bad will happen.
It’s my issue! It is the one thing that has always been my little thing. It’s my anxiety, my fear and sometimes I allow it to guide my life. I am learning to let that go, and just live, just be.
Some say they do the best thinking on the toilet, well I do my best thinking walking and I have always been a lone walker. Leave me alone, don’t talk to me, don’t even look at me. Lately I find myself enjoying the little moments I get to spend walking with my girlfriend.
Not that I haven’t always enjoyed it, I’m learning that we don’t have to talk, we don’t have to hold hands (hard on a treadmill) just the feeling of her near is more than enough.
This is a new area I’m finding, the feeling of thankfulness just having someone to share my life with, without actully doing anything at all.
This is so foreign to me that I’m struggling to find words to explain it. In the past it was always the actions that made me connect a feeling with. Lately I find fulfillment just knowing she’s my person and I’m hers.
My point to all this isn’t to ramble on about my relationship, it’s to express that sometimes we can find what we desire by not looking for it so hard. Sometimes just letting what is be as it is, not expecting it be something more and letting two lives crash together fall apart and come back together over and over again as two completely independent people that have made a choice to walk together in life.
Today my calm moment came while I was driving to the gym, it only lasted for a few moments but the calm feeling it brought makes me hold this little smile in my heart.