One Little Spark

Sometimes we need a little spark to reignite the fire in our lives. 
For me it helps to every once in a while take a look at the past and really see how far I have truly come. Today I went to church for the first time in a long time and tonight I took a trip back in time looking at my life and the times I have had. Feeling the good, the bad, even the times I didn’t really want to remember, they all have molded me and who I am today.

I guess you know you have healed when you can look at areas in your life and it doesn’t make you cry.

I do have faith, I do pray and I also thank Him for all the blessings in my life, yet I haven’t attended church in a while.

Honestly I feel a little angry for some of the things in my life and how they have turned out. Yes, victim thinking, and I’m blaming God for the path my life has taken, let me finish.

I absolutely love where my life is at the moment, yet the path to get here was well let’s say less than fun at times.

Today I was sitting in church and I was feeling a little agitated during worship. I couldn’t help but think and began to judge myself and other “Christians” in my life. As to say just because someone is a Christian that excuses them from struggles or gives them a free pass to sin.

Worship continued but ended earlier than normal as well as the normal pastor Lee sermon, also changed up by something called Night At The Movies.

Same church yet I just wasn’t feeling it like I had in the past, I was a little closed off.

Then the movie started…

It was a clip beautifully crafted with a message from pastor Lee. The movie was the 2014 movie Unbroken. As they began to describe how no matter what (Louis) endured his spirit was not broken. He was shot down in the war, taken captive after many weeks at sea, beaten, and beaten, starvation and cruel punishments seemed to endure relentlessly. But his spirit remain strong.

I have never felt any of the torturous experiences he lived through yet my walls began to fall. I have felt pain in my life, guilt, regret, failure and I am able to smile and stand tall. I still have my spirit and I have endured many life changes and torturous experiences of my own. I began to feel something rise up inside, a little feeling that I have so much more to offer than what I’m giving.

The struggles in life will always happen, unless you stop living. I have found comfort again and in my comfort as beautiful as it is I can’t just stop and refrain from growing, as easy as it is and how long I have desired to feel the comfort I have now. I just don’t want to get stagnant in life, I don’t want the people that love me question my love for them because “life is comfortable” right now.

I have been alive for 36 years, and I’m trying to grasp what I have a offer at the moment. I have so much to give, maybe not financially, maybe not a beautiful house or a life without stress but I can give the things so many fail to give. I can give honesty, respect and spirit that just doesn’t give up. I try to bring energy and joy to those around me as much as I can.

I felt alive as I walked out of church today, like the little spark inside was beginning to burn bright again.

I’m so thankful for so many people in my life, I need to tell then more how important they are.


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