When she is with me all I want of for her to understand I love her more than words can explain. While she sleeps I lay awake wishing it could be different for her. My life changed because of her.
To my daughter’s.. both of them
My heart breaks while trying to explain the road of life is hard; fully knowing how bad it can hurt and how deeply it can cut.
Being a father was never going to be a part time job, however life changes and the balance of discipline and “daddy chats” are now a conversation through email and over the phone when they return to mom’s.
I have grown to become selfish with my baby’s always being with me, until life happened. When they fall I respond with a little message and a phone call, its not daddys week hunny. Its not my time to be the one who you have to work through getting back up with. Yes I’m always here for them, but its not the same having separate lives.
Life is a game of cat and mouse, a hope for well placed words and emotion, it has to be at just the right time with the precise intensity. If any of them are off even a miniscule amount, the mark is missed.
Too soon, wrong intensity, missing emotion, waiting to talk, not waiting long enough. It has to be just right or anger will cloud the emotion and the effort falls to the floor.
I have learned the relationship with my daughters is ever changing, evolving, to make it more difficult add hormones, and one is like me and one is like her mother.
Today my heart hurts and all I want is to protect my baby from the pain that life can bring. Yet here I am walking and writing after a few hours on the phone with them.
How do you tell someone they are your world unless they understand what its like to be blessed with a child themselves. Its days like this that the balance act is exhausting.
My girls, this is only another small bump in the long road of life.