We have all had one at one point in our lives. I’m sure at that time it was the most helpless and painful feeling and speaking for myself I was not sure I was going to live through it; a broken heart. This is something I have wanted to write about for a long time but failed to put the words together, until now.
A little over 3 years ago, we spoke the word “divorce” and I won’t lie, I questioned life and everything I knew at that moment. I have never missed tucking in my girls, not one night, and we were about to have a conversation to divide parenting time. I never had to live alone or do anything alone for that matter.
I met my ex-wife before I was even out of high school and we were married at 19, pregnant at 20 and life took off from there. In June 2015, we decided to give up on 17 years.
We were all we knew for most of our adult lives, and with almost 15 years of marriage, two beautiful daughters, a house, a dog, and two cars, life was easy. When divorce entered, ambivalence is an understatement and I have never felt a level of confusion as I did when those words were spoken.
Sometimes the best growth happens through some of the worst times. I have learned more about myself in these last 3 years that I have in most of my adult life. I never had to search my heart and have had to go into the rooms in my heart that needed to be addressed, and I never had to learn to stand on my own two feet.
However, through this broken time in my life I have learned true forgiveness, I learned to follow my heart no matter what other people think, I found a little boy that never had to grow up and stand for what he believes and I found a new love, and a new love that matched my vibrations in life so well.
Today I hold nothing hurtful in my heart, I have totally forgiven and let go of all the anger and contempt. Today I feel I’m stronger and more honest to who I am in my heart. I am not the boy I was, today I am a man that is learning to say I was wrong, I have made many mistakes and to drop my pride and understand that I am far from perfect.
We are both in other relationships, however, we talk often, and are totally able to be in the same room with our new partners. I know so many broken relationships that cannot even talk on the phone to one another, and I’m so thankful that is not us.
My fiancée has sat with my ex-wife at our children’s sporting events and you couldn’t tell that they had the past broken relationships that they have. I have gone out with my fiancée’s ex-husband for beers and get along great with him. I cannot express how grateful I am for this and truly believe that spite and pride have no place in any relationship, broken or not. I hope our 4 girls can see and learn that forgiveness and life after heartbreak isn’t over.
I hope they see a better way to love through all our actions. The world doesn’t need more hate and anger, it needs more love and forgiveness.
To explain the depth of this picture (from left to right)
My ex-wife’s husband, my ex-wife, my fiancee, my fiancee’s sister, myself, and my fiancee’s ex-husband all in one picture.
That is how forgiveness and letting go of pride can change ANY relationship