There is so much pain in life, season after season. There are seasons of joy, peace and comfort and season of struggle, turmoil and pain. I’m learning to cherish so much more as I get older and at the same time see the pain all around more deeply.
Everywhere I turn there is destruction, hatred and terror. Even if I try to not watch the broadcasts, filter my internet, and spend less time on social media, there are my circle in life.
So many of my friends and family are struggling with their lives, relationships and family issues right now. It really discourages my heart to see so many people in my circle suffering knowing that I too have and not offer a hand.
I don’t have the power to promise forever or give security that I’ll always be in anyone’s life, but I can try my best to work on what’s in my heart and hope that it inspires change in those around me.
Too many people feel they have the power to change the world by force, the secret is we do have the power, However it’s not by force, wars or protests. It’s by being an example of love and respect and and having an open mind to things that are different than what we believe.
Think about it, have you ever changed something in your life for the better because you were forced to? It’s a much better outcome to feel your heart move and desire to change.
I want my girls to know that I did my best, not just what had to be done. I want them to feel and see that we all have power to help improve our circles.
It begins with being open, honest, respectful and willing to change the things in our lives that build up walls and close off hearts.
I once believed with a deep seeded pride that I had the power to offer forever, to give security and that I could control my future. It breaks my heart today to see I have never been in control of anything other than my actions, beliefs and how I treat others.
I want to give my forever to Jennifer; I know deep down she deserves it, unfortunately I don’t have that kind of power. I want to provide security that everything will be perfect in life for my girls, but it would be a lie. Everything is not going to be perfect, but it will be okay.
There will be loss, headache, and things that happen that we will never understand. We can choose to let it harden our hearts and build walls or open our hearts more to show love past the pain we feel and tear down the walls we put up out of fear for the pain we faced in the past.
I have felt the biggest heart breaking, soul changing experiences I could ever imagine. As many of us have, and I learned to love again, but not the same. I have felt loss of a loved one that I never thought I would make it through, and I’m still alive to celebrate their lives they had.
We have all seen some terrible things and been through some things that we just knew we wouldn’t make it though, and here we are to read this.
In the midst of the storm we often fail to see past the clouds; that doesn’t mean the sun is not there. It means our perspective is focused on the storm we are facing not what is on the other side. The choice is ours to allow our hearts to open or close and our walls to go up or come down when we get to the other side of the storms we face.
I would love to stand tall and proudly say I’m not afraid of anything, but I am. I’m afraid that my daughters will feel the pain I have felt in my life. I fear that I may not be able to offer what Jennifer needs due to the past heart breaks I have had. I fear that I will let my day after day life take over and not give my family the love they need before it’s too late.