The Holes That Remain

There are so many questions that we will never know, so many things we wanted to say and never have the opportunity to say.

When we lose someone unexpectedly it leaves a bunch of empty little holes in our life. Like turning our soul into Swiss Cheese and learning to navigate the rest of life is painful, confusing, at times lonely, and full of ups and downs.

It is compounded when they take their own life.

I still have some holes, some unanswered questions and SO many things I wish I could say.

I took the phone calls and late night texts for granted. I didn’t see the little signs because when he was near he was 100% a ball of fun and energy. Get us together and it was unstoppable laughing and belly aches.

I to this day, never would have though I’d be writing something like this about someone so full of life.

Recently another shocking story was posted to social media that rocked 100s of family’s, mine included.

Another life lost too soon and unexpectedly.

What can we do..?

I’m truly lost when I ask that question to myself. Is there anything we can do?

You never really know who you are in someone’s life.

I do however know what he was in my life, and I now have missed the opportunity to tell him. I have to tell those who mourn him.

He was someone that when I knew we were going to get together, people better be ready for what happens next..

He was a great friend from across the world with an AMAZING accent. I remember talking for hours over some UV Vodka, in fact I attempted to even fit into his Scottish Kilt… somewhat successfully

His lovely wife and family opened their home to my family and I watched his beautiful children grow into little adults.

And now everytime I hear someone took their own life, all the little holes and questions resurface.

Don’t hesitate to tell someone you care, don’t take for granted the words I love you.

Something as simple as a 15 second text can change the course of someone’s day.

Us being us.. I literally have no idea what we were doing, but we had fun no matter what.

God, I miss you Barry.. I know so many of us do, and I wish you were here still.

My heart goes out to anyone that has been impacted by the loss of a loved one that has taken their own life.


Remember life is bigger than this moment

Learning to proactively seek perspective in life is essential for a balanced mental wellbeing.

Take this image, sure the words “Trauma and Emergency” are Red and BOLD but the sky behind it is beautiful and freeing.

Work stress, raising children, family drama, hardships with finances, health, and that’s only a few stresses off the top of my head. It’s no surprise people fall apart, marriages fail, health declines and we are a society full of diseases..

Finding a way to cope with stress that has a positive impact on our lives as well as those around us is just as hard as the struggles we are trying to manage.

Eating, drinking, drugs, sex, and simply running away is so easy, in the moment. However in most cases they only add to the compounding amount of stress we face once we stop and take a moment to see clearly.

So how do we deal with life,.?

Breathe, take a moment to step out of the situation. Look at the sky, focus away from what is right in front of you.

“Remember life is bigger than this moment.”

Smell the flowers, touch the grass, take your shoes off and feel the earth, ground yourself. Hug someone, cry, pickup the phone and reach out. We are not meant to hide in the dark places our mind can direct us into.


Listen to music..


Stand and share life with those around you. We are not alone, no matter what you feel in this moment.

Welcome to Real Life my Vlog

Call me crazy.. right now I feel like I am.

Laying in bed, its 3 am and my mind says “get up, we are making a vlog tomorrow” you have work to do…

I’m on fire inside, I burn to interact with people. I truly TRULY want to be on T.V. and no, not to be rich, I just love it, and always have.

I wanted to be a movie star, and with today’s technology and social media feeding frenzy, what the hell am I waiting for. And no SPELLCHECK… ha, that’s not even funny.

So here I am, 3am Sunday morning March 31, 2019 and I’m given you a written introduction to Real Life (the vlog)

Laying in bed it hit me, I’m a technical hypocrite..

I have so much shit I want to say and things I like to talk about and where do I go for my content?

I sure as hell don’t read, I head to YouTube, and listen to podcasts.

So please Subscribe, hit the bell for notifications and I hope you join me on this next journey.

I’ll give you my vlog introduction tomorrow.

Love you all and I’m excited to give you my written words soon fed to your ears..

Below is a Link to my YouTube channel.
Please share with anyone that you feel enjoyed my Real Life blog, because I promise the vlog will be from the heart.

When You Stand Face to Face With Death

When you are face to face with mortality and recover life is so much sweeter. Knowing I was given a second chance, the little things I worried about suddenly mean a lot less and I do not intend to waste my gift of life.

4 years ago today I was rushed into the Emergency room and quickly sent in for emergency surgery for Meckel’s diverticulum and the removal of 12 inches of my large intestines.

I remember I was getting ready for the gym, and suddenly I began to cold sweat quickly followed by the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I really don’t remember much after that, other than going to the hospital and a few random people here and there over the next 10 days.

After 13 days I was released to continue my recovery at home only to return 24 hours later with a bowel leak causing a peritonitis infection between my bowels and stomach. All my staples had to be removed and my wound had to be drained and remain open to allow the infection to heal. On top of that, it had to be “packed” every 6 hours while it healed.

I am very happy to be alive today, and you never know how sweet something is until you experience bitter.

The Man and The Snake


A couple of men were walking through the woods and came across a snake that has fallen into a small fire, one of them quickly reaches in and saves the snake. After grabbing the snake it coils back and strikes him on the hand. The searing pain from the bite makes the man drop the snake back into the fire.

Without hesitation, the man grabs a stick, and for the second time rescues the snake from certain death.

His friend says “that snake bit you, why didn’t you let it burn and die”?

He replies, “it is in the snake’s nature to strike, it is not in my nature to allow it to die”.

So he learned from the nature of the snake and took precaution for his life. He didn’t allow his soft heart to be changed by the nature and actions of the snake, he took the pain and adjusted his own actions knowing that he is only in control of his actions and his own nature.

Life interacting with humans works the same way…

Learn from the pain others inflict from their nature but don’t change who you are to accommodate what they do. learn from their actions and adjust how you interact with them.

You dictate how you are treated..

It’s Popular to be Healthy, and Sexy Sells


I wanted to say a few things about a topic that has flooded my Social Media world lately.

My Instagram DM, Real Life email, and Facebook have exploded with questions regarding Keto, Low-Carb diets, Intermittent Fasting, fitness, and healthy living.

And Wow, I want to express how honored I am that I’m the one you ask!

However, I feel I owe you a disclaimer, I would hate to provide information and give you misleading or unrealistic expectations.

I truly care about every one of you! My entire Real Life society is 100% successful due to YOU. My inspiration comes from helping, and to provide things I have gone through, succeeded and failed at.

I love the changes I have seen in my life and would never want something I say create issues in your life.

My Disclaimer: ALL the information and topics I provide, I have done myself. I am not a Dr. I am not a professional and again, I am in NO way going to tell you something I haven’t attempted MYSELF.

I want to thank you for reaching out to me and allowing me to inspire you. I pride myself in being real, natural, open about my failures, and successes.

PLEASE be careful who you follow, do your own research. The “fitness industry” has become one of the most misleading and money hungry industries in the world.

It’s popular to be healthy, and sexy sells”

I promise to only provide information regarding topics that I have attempted, and I will remain completely natural always.

Thank you, Real Life / War on Sugar readers for being a part of my fitness journey. Below are links to all my social media accounts for more information.

I’m only a click away!

Facebook –

Instagram –

Twitter –

The Coffee Mug in the Cupboard

Every morning I walk in and see this.

This Spartans coffee mug and as many of you know I am not a fan of football. To me, this is a reminder of how fragile life is.

For the last 3 years, I have been working side by side with the owner of this mug, and today he is not here.

We have worked weeks of 16-hour shifts, many late nights and early mornings together as a team. This morning when I opened my cupboard to get my cup, it hit me, he is not here with me and for 3 years I have sat next to him.

Today he is battling the pain of laying his son to rest.

It really made me think of how fragile we all are. We try and put on a persona of power, strength and that we have it all figured out. The words “nothing’s wrong” has become a broken record that we say fully knowing we are all hurting inside for some reason or another.

What if we talked about what was hurting?

What if we put it out there and stopped pretending to have our shit together?

Maybe we would learn to relate better to one another.

Maybe we could see that we all struggle and we would find someone in life that has already been through the exact struggle we are in at this moment.

Life is not meant to be struggle after struggle, I truly think to really live is to connect and help someone with something you understand.

We as parents should NEVER have to bury our children, yet it has happened to many people. I try to put myself in his shoes and cannot fathom the depth of the pain he is facing right now. My empathy simply does not allow me to reach the level of loss he is feeling.

My heart hurts for a man that has become much more than a co-worker, he has become a part of my family.

I attended his sons viewing yesterday, and to look in the eyes of a father that lost his child was almost unbearable.

Please just let go of having everything together, let go of the “I’m strong” shell we all wear so well.

Because all we really are is soft flesh, delicate organs, and brittle bones. Today I am not strong, I’m weak for the loss of a son, and as a parent, my heart breaks for a friend.

To a man that is facing the pain no one should know, I’m sorry brother and me heart goes out to your family.

There is always a price to pay

Many of our children do not know what it’s like to build forts, play in the dirt, or catch frogs, but I bet they can take better selfies than you.

Social media is not a replacement for real life, it is a platform to expand and project our thoughts and ideas to a much larger area, and should be used to learn, teach and relate to others.

Sadly, it has become a replacement for real communication, sitting down and talking, fighting fair, and learning how to navigate an argument.

Over the last few years I have witnessed so many things that confuse me and concern me about the Social aspect of our children.

The interactions on Apps like
Snapchat and TikTok are not only allowing our children to become someone they are not, its leading them to believe that this “fake personIS who they really are.

I have witnessed a “social media fight” and it gets just as brutal and hurtful as a real fight, only there are no winners or losers, and it just continues on and on until one of them is blocked…

What has that resolved? Absolutely nothing!

The blocker has been given unrealistic power and the blocked has been shut out, never resolving anything. I do not condone violence by any means, unless it’s necessary, and unfortunately sometimes it is.

No, I’m not taking about shooting up a school, I’m taking about a punch in the mouth and some bumps and bruises.

I remember when I was bullied in school, my father reached out to the principal for help, and a warning that if this persists he is not responsible for what action I was going to take.

You see, a fight was an option and let me tell you what it did for me.

It was 8th grade and I was new to Portage, tall, pale skin, red hair with freckles; A perfect target to be picked on.

I haven’t established a group of friends at this point, but I had a group of friends that didn’t accept a new kid in the school. So, every day in the hall on the way to and from class I would get pushed into the lockers. I didn’t need a
safe room, I didn’t plan to shoot up the school, but I did let it build, I did talk to my dad and met with the principal.

After a few more weeks with no change I had enough, he pushed me one last time into the lockers and I snapped, and the fists began to fly; I think my rage helped fuel my success because he was about 70 lbs. heavier than me and an inch taller.
I got a few amazing shots in and so did he… but I gained something more valuable than anything, I gained his respect.

He never messed with me again, and neither did any of his friends. I had a group of friends by the end of the week for being the new kid that stood up to the big kid in the school.

We are allowing our children to be soft, hide behind fake walls and drastically reducing their social skills. I am not saying take the phone, I’m saying they are a tool of technology, not a way to create a life. I fear what the next generation
will deal with if we do not step in a little and create some balance.

You do not get to decide to pay a price or not in life. You only get to decide what price you will pay based on what actions you decided to take. There is always a price“.

A New Year to Set a REAL Resolution


With the “New Year resolution” right around the corner, I just wanted to shed a little light on the number one topic of the new year, “getting healthy”.

Everyone wants to get healthy, but most have no idea what that even means.

So, they rush out to get a gym membership, start eating more salads, maybe some fruit, cutting out all the snacking and start a huge calorie restricted diet.

They get to the gym and jog for 20 min, break a little sweat, maybe lift a few weights and head home.

After 2 months of not seeing much change, they fall back into the easy lifestyle they had little by little. A snack here, a snack there and soon enough the gym becomes less and less a priority.

If this sounds familiar it’s NOT YOUR FAULT!

What if I told you it’s due to the fitness and a healthy living society being full of miss-information and people that are in it for the money, not a true desire to help people learn how to live a healthy lifestyle.

There is NO DIET that fits everyone.

The way you eat is 100% up to your lifestyle, genetic makeup, and goals. But it is also a part of learning to live a healthy lifestyle. Sleep, mental health, and stress are just as important as what you eat.

I have created a step by step guide to help set a goal that you can reach…

  • BEFORE you change anything, download a MACRO tracking app (example below)
    • MyFitnessPal
    • MyPlate
  • Use a Calorie Calculator to locate you “MAINTENANCE LEVEL” calories
  • Set your goal
    • Weight loss (get lean)
    • Muscle gain (Bodybuilding)
    • Strength training (Powerlifting)
    • Cardiovascular improvement (running a marathon)
  • Assess your current lifestyle and see what you can give up and when you can give time to dedicate 30-60 min a day CONSISTENTLY.
    • What are you willing to do?
    • When will you be able to do it without changing your entire life
  • Once you have set the foundation of your goal, the way of eating can begin.
    • What way of eating is best for you?
    • What should you do at the gym?

And this is where the work begins….

Feel free to email and we can begin to narrow down YOUR needs.

Growing From The Broken Times In My Life


We have all had one at one point in our lives. I’m sure at that time it was the most helpless and painful feeling and speaking for myself I was not sure I was going to live through it; a broken heart. This is something I have wanted to write about for a long time but failed to put the words together, until now.

A little over 3 years ago, we spoke the word “divorce” and I won’t lie, I questioned life and everything I knew at that moment. I have never missed tucking in my girls, not one night, and we were about to have a conversation to divide parenting time. I never had to live alone or do anything alone for that matter.

I met my ex-wife before I was even out of high school and we were married at 19, pregnant at 20 and life took off from there. In June 2015, we decided to give up on 17 years.

We were all we knew for most of our adult lives, and with almost 15 years of marriage, two beautiful daughters, a house, a dog, and two cars, life was easy. When divorce entered, ambivalence is an understatement and I have never felt a level of confusion as I did when those words were spoken.

Sometimes the best growth happens through some of the worst times. I have learned more about myself in these last 3 years that I have in most of my adult life. I never had to search my heart and have had to go into the rooms in my heart that needed to be addressed, and I never had to learn to stand on my own two feet.

However, through this broken time in my life I have learned true forgiveness, I learned to follow my heart no matter what other people think, I found a little boy that never had to grow up and stand for what he believes and I found a new love, and a new love that matched my vibrations in life so well.

Today I hold nothing hurtful in my heart, I have totally forgiven and let go of all the anger and contempt. Today I feel I’m stronger and more honest to who I am in my heart. I am not the boy I was, today I am a man that is learning to say I was wrong, I have made many mistakes and to drop my pride and understand that I am far from perfect.

We are both in other relationships, however, we talk often, and are totally able to be in the same room with our new partners. I know so many broken relationships that cannot even talk on the phone to one another, and I’m so thankful that is not us.

My fiancée has sat with my ex-wife at our children’s sporting events and you couldn’t tell that they had the past broken relationships that they have. I have gone out with my fiancée’s ex-husband for beers and get along great with him. I cannot express how grateful I am for this and truly believe that spite and pride have no place in any relationship, broken or not. I hope our 4 girls can see and learn that forgiveness and life after heartbreak isn’t over.

I hope they see a better way to love through all our actions. The world doesn’t need more hate and anger, it needs more love and forgiveness.

To explain the depth of this picture (from left to right)

My ex-wife’s husband, my ex-wife, my fiancee, my fiancee’s sister, myself, and my fiancee’s ex-husband all in one picture.

That is how forgiveness and letting go of pride can change ANY relationship

real life